RSSAugust for the Executioner
Aug 14
Business, Society and Culture Business Casual, Necktie Comments Off
The hatchet man is on his way, as he is every August to put the kill on another summer. Autumn may not officially start until September 22, but fall begins nevertheless right on cue at the end of August. It’s a cycle that most of us pick up when we are younger, going through traditional motions of the school cycle. For anyone that works along the cycle of of the school year, no matter how much you claim that there is no “summer break” anymore, August starts in one gear and kicks into another. It’s a joyous, harried time for most of us. It means a lot of cramming things-that-need-to-get-done into a small window of time as if, come September 1, all our time will be engaged being busy. There hasn’t been a year since I was a toddler that I wasn’t a student or working at a college and I can’t imagine life on another rhythm.
Fall is, for me, hallmark time of renewal and reinvention. And relearning to tie a necktie.
It’s not like riding a bicycle. You do forget. While the fundamental motions are the same from tie to tie, the length and width and peculiarities of one tie to another are something that takes practice and memorization to conquer. Having removed the noose in June, it’s been beyond sixty days since the last time I had to dress business casual for work. Fortunately, at least, I’m still one step below business suit because that would require at least another 40 minutes and two oscillating fans to get dressed every morning. As it is now, just the necktie adds an extra ten minutes, a floor to ceiling mirror and a box fan to my morning routine.
Sloppy dressers can slap on a tie and wherever the lengths hits is where it stays. They tuck in the tail and go. I know guys who tie their necktie once when they first buy it and then keep it in that twisted, crippled condition like lambs slipping it on and off their neck as needed. I can’t do that. I’m vain and OCD. That means my ties need to look pressed, need to drop exactly to my belt and need to fan at the knot. It also means I’m in front of the mirror until I get it right. Sometimes, I get frustrated and I leave for work only to immediately lock myself in the men’s room until I fix the mess around my neck.
Look I hate ties. Hate them the way I hate the New York Yankees. But I will admit I like the look on me in a tie. And if it’s a job requirement anyway, I might as well be presentable. Or even better, beautiful. Everything has to be just right.
It kills me when I pull open the calendar and see that it’s the middle of August and I know the day nears when the executioner is raising his axe to my neck and about to let it drop. But at least as my head hits the basket, my eyes still blinking (and likely my mouth still running on about nonsense) I know that there will be a neatly pressed necktie tried around me neck to mark where my head used to be.
