RSSAsk Daily: A Concerned Parent Asks For Advice
Feb 03
Question:
Dear Ask Daily,
I’m concerned that my son has a secret girlfriend. My 17 year old son has been very secretive with me lately, recently he has started to refuse to go to church with the family and tonight when I was going through his room I found a magazine with naked men in it. He obviously has a girlfriend that he is hiding from me that brought that magazine into my home and I am afraid they are having intercourse and I am greatly concerned that he is going to get her pregnant. What should I do about this?
-A Concerned Parent
Answer:
Dear Concerned Parent,
Well, this experience should teach you a lesson about snooping. Your son is seventeen, so it’s time he transitions to a bit of adult responsibility, which includes a right to some privacy. You should just forget all about finding that magazine in your son’s room. This should not be a problem for you, as you already appear adept at ignoring things.
If memory serves, last year, you wrote me because you were having separation anxiety with all the weekend camping trips your son was taking with his Scout leader. You were also concerned that despite all this extra attention, he didn’t seem to be earning any merit badges. And the year before that, it was something about music. Ahh, here’s the old letter.
“My son has wonderful taste in music. He doesn’t listen to the garbage that most kids do nowadays. He plays all the big old Broadway musicals. Sometimes, he even dresses up and acts them out for us. He does a wonderful ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ and the gingham dress fits him perfectly! But he plays them so loud, especially when he and the other boys are in his bedroom. How can I get him to turn the music down?”
Concerned Parent, you can count on this: your son won’t be knocking up any girlfriend any time soon. Just to be sure, though, you might want to encourage him to attend college far away from home. Maybe NYU or UC-Berkeley. Or a nice art school. As for getting him back to church, perhaps a different congregation might interest him more. That nice Unitarian Universalist church with the pretty rainbow on the sign, for example, might be just the thing.
Forever Yours,
Ask Daily
This article inspired by you by FAIL Blog
Mar 26, 2009 @ 11:43:38
The increase of secrecy from your son toward you may serve to imply as a possibility that you have intruded upon his right to privacy. You should not be going through your sons room save for a dire emergency. You found a magazine with naked men in it. That in and of itself should reinforce the fact some things are better kept at your sons discretion. The idle assertion of a phantom girlfriend being responsable for bringing the magazine into the house is only surpassed by the erroneous belief that your son is engaging in sexual intercourse with, and will impregnate this phantom girlfriend. Do not exclude the notion that such a magazine is the property of your son. Computer savvy kids and ease of access to comprehensive information regarding gay, lesbian, bisexual, and, transgendered alternate lifestyles are available to our youth at ages younger than ever before. Today’s questioning child is no longer isolated from their peers and often much needed timely support. Your son may have availed himself of this available information at an early age and is now only in such position allowing for self exploration. Your son is soon to be a man; gay, straight, or otherwise. It is soley his choice how he will define himself. I might
surmise throughout his childhood you imparted your beliefs, mores, and values. I pray they did not include the vilification, hate, and the estrangement from god of GLBT people. What you should do is allow your son his space and privacy. Meanwhile, a multitude of Guides for Parents of GLBT questioning children is widely available You would do well to read one or more of these very informative books and better understand the inherent issue’s facing those GLBT person(s) and your position on it