RSSFriday B.S.: Ditch the Romance, These are Songs About Sex
Feb 16
Relationships AOL, Sex, Songs Comments Off
Nothing screams Valentine’s Day like a list of the 69 Sexiest Songs…Ever! released today by AOL Music. This is no message of love, this is about getting it on.
Man, that sounded so much better in my head. I can run off a top ten list of most romantic songs in a snap, but songs specifically (and blatantly) about sex? Not so much.
I like the idea, but after I read through the list, I was a little conflicted. AOL went to a lot of trouble to produce a list of songs that were about sex -- I mean, it’s a little like talking to your dad about dating, and all of the sudden, he’s reminiscing in a little too much detail. Right, you know what I’m talking about. The best sex songs are insidious, you hear it once, and it’s groovy, you’re singing along in your car. Suddenly, after it’s stuck in your head, you start listening to the lyrics and you think, “Oh my God, this song is dirty!”
Sometimes, you don’t zero in on it because it’s cleverly disguised. (See Kelis Milkshake “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard”) Sometimes, you just hear it in passing and someone else has to point it out to you. (See TLC Red Light Special “I’ll let you go further, If you take the southern route”) And sometimes, you’re like me, angelic and pure, and it just doesn’t occur to you that something more is going on than what it seems like on the surface. (See Eminem Shake That “I’m a menace, a dentist, an oral hygienist, Open your mouth for about four or five minutes, Take a little bit of this fluoride rinse, Swish but don’t spit it, swallow and I’ll finish” -- what would you think it was about?)
I delved into AOL’s Sexiest list with as much aplomb as I could muster, and I found the list had little to do with what’s “sexy.” For one, the second most sexy song is Nine Inch Nails Closer. What possible criteria could have earned this a top ten spot when Justin Timberlake’s Sexyback (a decidedly more recent and pop-fixated entry) isn’t even on the list? Let’s compare them.
Chorus
NIN “I want to fuck you like an animal, I want to feel you from the inside”
JT “I’m bringin’ sexy back, Them other fuckers don’t know how to act”
Sexiest Line
NIN “I drink the honey inside your hive”
JT “I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave”
Vibe
NIN -- think Angelina Jolie’s sex scene in Taking Lives
JT -- it’s a one night stand that isn’t worth the “I’ll call you”
Arousal Factor
NIN -- if you’re a rapist
JT -- it’s pretty hot
AOL’s list has a lot of these songs that are ostensibly about sex, but not even remotely sexy. (Nelly Furtado Promiscuous, Frankie Goes to Hollywood Relax) It has songs that are legitimately sexy and deserving of recognition. (anything by Marvin Gaye, Chris Isaak Wicked Game) And just for fun, the list even covers some genuine romance (Dave Matthews Band Crash Into Me, Bee Gees Love You Inside Out) So really, the theme isn’t sexiest songs, it is just is sex.
Hey, I guess that’s alright for Valentine’s Day, too.
