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RSSDoes Your Date Deserve the Hook (Up)?
Mar 12
Relationships dating, Hook up, Sex Comments Off
I went through a whole period in my mid-twenties where I had one atrocious date story after another. Oh, did I have my friends rolling on the floor as I described the time where my date took off with the umbrella and left me in the pouring rain exactly half way between the T stop and the restaurant we were going to.
Or the one where my date swore, swore that his car wouldn’t get towed if he parked in the apartment complex parking lot across the street from the restaurant. Or the one where we were sitting having a great first date at Marche in the Prudential building (it closed a few years ago) and I dropped a piece of chicken on the ground, picked it up and put it in my mouth without thinking about how that might look to a stranger.
For a while, my dating life was beginning to resemble a sitcom, and not all ended well by the end of the night. There is always that momentarily thrill when your date shows up for the first time – in my opinion half the battle really – and then the deflation when the evening starts to spiral out of control. I am not the kind to hold my breath until the balloon pops, but I also can’t help noticing when it happens.
All of this, of course, comes with an added complication of to hook or not to hook. I can’t speak for all daters, but I know generally on mine that I usually only make-out with guys on the first date when I know I will never speak to them again. Maybe the sexual attraction will change my mind (or their mind, as it goes) but as someone who greatly trusts my own instincts, I am usually pretty sure when it is over before it is over.
In fact, for my personal track record, I have never become a couple with a man if we coupled on the first date. Sex on the first date is a gay stereotype, but I like to think I rise above the stereotype, usually, though I can’t explain why this rule is such a constant in my dating life.
Let’s just get this out of the way. Yes, it could be because
I have bad breath
I am a bad kisser
I like it frisky
or any number of horrifying personal defects that I am blithely unaware of. But I would like to think for the most part, it is none of those things. I would like to think it is just the nature of dating that my own expectations are higher than could ever possibly be fulfilled. And imagine two individuals in the room who are both hoping for Prince Charming and disappointed when it is only Prince He’s Funny But…
So for me, every date reaches the inevitable point of asking the question, does my date deserve the hook (up)?
This might sound horribly cynical, but I am not the kind of person that subscribes to the theory that sex is better if you wait. I just don’t buy it. Sex is better if there is a mutual attraction; that is the biggest determining factor. If one person isn’t into it, then now or later does not make that much of a difference. But sex is the balloon popping for most people. It is the point where the evening spirals out of control, if it hasn’t already. Sure, if expectations are met, you got lucky, but in most cases it is exactly the opposite. Or worse, new, higher expectations are there waiting to be fulfilled.
I am not sure that my rule that a hook-up on the first date equals zero chance at a relationship really makes that much sense. After all, it is basically a mental path to self-fulfilled disaster. But maybe I am inadvertently showing some character by resisting the hook-up and that might make me more attractive to my date. So far my track record for second dates comes after holding off on the first date. And the first-date failures all ended with the hook (up.)
And those sitcom-like date stories? The guy with the umbrella? I was soaked to the bone by the time we got to the restaurant, chasing after him while the rain belted down my back. He called the date off as soon as we were inside. The guy who swore his car wouldn’t get towed? It did, and we took a cab to the tow company where I offered to pay for half of the release fee. The guy who watched me drop a hunk of food on the floor of the restaurant and then eat it? We dated for four months, and that very first date ended with simply a single kiss.
