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I turned on the TV at an earlier than usual time for me of 5:20 a.m. to an scene of a young man telling his father “If me kissing a man disgusts you…” Dad then says, I’m sure I got this right, “I didn’t ask for a gay son. But I have one.” I think I’m supposed to be touched, but I’m mildly offended. The son, Jack as it turns out, falls into the corner weeping while his dad lovingly embraces him.

Is Jack wearing eyeliner?

It turns out, inexplicably, that the show is Dawson’s Creek and it’s clearly some season finale because Pacey and Joey cruise off into the sunset, literally. (Season 3 if you’re keeping track.)

There’s not a ton of choice at this hour. I flipped to a Bowflex infomercial where seven buffed up guys and girls were standing around the Bowflex admiring the abs of the guy demonstrating exercises. The ad gives me the same creepy feeling that I get from ads for Swingtown on CBS. It’s a my-parents-are-getting-dirty kind of dirty.

Infomercials as a general rule, have infinite appeal and a unique ability to suck away the hours. I don’t buy anything; I rarely see a product that calls out to me. But the demonstrations; that is another story altogether. Just like I am fascinated that people don’t take advantage of online access to their bank accounts, I don’t understand what kind of mentality you have to have to shop for things from your television. I’m the wrong demographic, which I’m sure is a huge part of the misunderstanding.

I watch that same damn woman turn soup into an omelet almost once a week (somehow, it’s always the damn soup she’s making when I stumble on to that one.) I don’t know what the product is called and I can’t imagine wanting to eat soup with a fork and knife like a steak. But watching her make it, that’s the money shot right there.

ESPN, my usual morning report, always has the retread news from the night before. Normally, I can just watch commercials for ESPN and be fully satisfied like after a fine breakfast at IHOP, but this is All-star week. No baseball, no football, no basketball and Tiger Woods is injured, not a great sports week. I love the Brett Favre drama, but you can only play the angle so many times before it ceases to be newsworthy. That leaves the endless homage to Yankee Stadium, which less face it, nobody is making the same fuss over Shea Stadium, except maybe the state of New Jersey.

I went to Flushing, NY to see Shea Stadium, and I can tell you, it’s time. RIP Shea.

It’s now twenty-five minutes later, and I just gave up. Dawson’s Creek ended and was replaced by an unwatchable sitcom. Maybe a early morning spot on TBS is considered prime time for an off-the-air teen drama like Dawson’s. It’s not like there is a ton of competition drawing away viewers (viewer?) Instead I went online to watch Dr. Horrible to see what all the fuss is about. It’s typical Whedon.

Tomorrow, I’ll just try to get the extra 25 minutes of sleep.

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