RSSFriday B.S.: Sing It Like Whitney
Sep 07
Humor, Music Humor, Singing Comments Off
Sometimes I think I would be a lot more interesting if I could just express myself in song. I don’t mean being able to write music, although that would be kind of cool too. But I mean just in the normal course of a day, pull a Whitney whenever a particular strong emotion hit me (though in her case, just about anything could be turned into a musical montage up to and including a bad hair day, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a conversation with the gum on the bottom of her shoes.)
But how cool would it be?
“How are you?” someone asks me.
“I’m FINE!” I would bellow in my Pavarotti-like tenor.
On second thought, it turns out I just wish I could write songs.
I think the ability to think in terms of music is fascinating and awe-inspiring. I read a Billboard interview with Dave Gahan, whose new album Hourglass is due out October 23, and he said something to the effect of, he and drummer Christian Eigner had a “one-riff idea” that “we improvised on that one idea and exaggerated it as the song went along. We just kept going and layering it.” How cool is that? To start with something barely at the point of conception and bring it to full term. The closest I ever came to birthing a full length album was one time they offered me three fresh off the rack Krispy Kreme glazed donuts (for some reason, a new employee kept coming up to offer me the “freebie” which I immediately swallowed in one bite and then wiped the sticky, gooey glaze -- say that three times fast -- from my fingers before taken another) and then proceeded to order a half dozen jelly doughnuts, which I ate and downed with a large coffee. Boy, that ended badly.
I probably have a song in me somewhere. More in the vein of “Smelly Cat” than “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” but it seems like a talent I could develop. Writing lyrics can’t be all that different from writing prose. Easier really because you can ignore parts of speech, correct grammar, there’s no spelling involved and you don’t even have to pronounce the words correctly. Plus you just namecheck yourself in the chorus and your song is half written.
I occasionally come up with cool song titles and think “man, if I just put that to music, I would be as rich as T-Pain.” Or sometimes, I get into a groove and actually write and sing a whole rock song in my head and think, “If I just wrote that down and recorded it, I would be as famous as Kim Richey.” But it’s not about money or fame, it’s about expressing myself and creeping people out by singing in their ear softly.
I am tortured sometimes by my inability to express and vent emotions in new and exciting ways. I often turn to the old stand by, er, prose, and sometimes just talk it out, but those are so mundane. Anybody can talk. It’s not enough to be able to do something, you have to be able to do it well, and furthermore, it has to cathartic. Otherwise, it’s just hot air. (Speaking of, check this out: “cathartic” is also a medical term that describes medicine used to purge forth from your bowels. Huh? Right? How often will you be able to use that as a conversation opener? I know. It’s gold.)
Not for nothing, but I think Michelle Branch sucks. Just thought I would mention it.
