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Oh Sorry, But No You Can’t

Nov 09

JeremyPolitics and Nation, Society and Culture california, gay marriage, prop 8, proposition 8, yes we can 2 Comments

There has been much rejoicing in the past few days on the part of the socially and politically liberal with the election of Barack Obama as US president. Everywhere I go, there seems to be a renewed sense of hope so strong it even seems to infect those who wished for a different outcome. It’s worthwhile to remember, though, that there are other outcomes of this year’s elections that the same people cannot look at with the same joy. While the nationally the voters may have said “Yes We Can,” the voters of California told many of its citizens “No You Can’t” with the passage of Proposition 8 against gay marriage in that state, along with voters in Florida and Arizona who approved similar bans and those in Arkansas who approved a ban on gay couples adopting children.

The success of Prop 8 by half a million votes is a very real setback for gays and lesbians and the ongoing fight for equality. California was one of only three states in which gay marriage has been legally sanctioned; now only Massachusetts and Connecticut remain. Frankly, its passage has also been a nasty surprise to all of us who think of California as the veritable home of liberalism, unlike passage of those measures in other states which were a foregone conclusion. While I heard concerns from friends in California before the election, I (and many others outside that state) didn’t pay enough attention to really get that Prop 8′s passage was a potential reality. Honestly, I chalked it up to something along the lines of Question 1 in Massachusetts, which I knew would attract some support, but never nearly enough to pass. Sometimes, however, the voters surprise me.

All of this is enough to remind me of what the political state of this country really is. Looking around at all those acolytes of “Yes We Can,” I want to remind them that even our President-elect has said “No You Can’t” to that same population of people. While it may be political suicide to declare support for (or even indifference to) gay marriage, it is still a disappointment that the most vocally liberal major politician elected in our generation can’t even find a way to defer the question. Instead, even Barack Obama has quite clearly and in no uncertain terms told us that he does not support the right of gays to marry. Despite this, I hear many of my friends rationalizing his position away by saying “Well, he HAS to say that.” While this may be sad, it is also a reality check reminding us how far there really is to go yet.

However, if this is really the case, where can we find hope that things will change someday? For me, I look to my friends. For the past week, I would venture to say that Prop 8 has probably been the second most discussed issue among my friends on Facebook. Given the kind of stuff I write about here, maybe that doesn’t surprise you, especially if you assume that my friends list is made up primarily of gay men. That assumption, however, would be grossly inaccurate, as would any assumption that it’s the gay men and women who have been discussing it the most. No, the place where I find my hope for change is in the number of straight friends who are absolutely outraged by this legislation. Their discussion has met or exceeded that of my gay friends, the population actually directly impacted. Their expressed disapproval does not seem to be directly on the behalf of others, despite the fact that nearly everyone these days has a gay friend, relative, or colleague; rather, it is a straightforward belief in social equality.

In expressing his disappointment, a (straight Republican) friend said to me a few days ago, “I don’t care who wants to get married as long as they are subject to all the rights and responsibilities I am, so that if his husband cheats on him, he gets the house in the divorce.” Listening to him made me realize how proud I am to have friends who are willing to stand up for others, something we don’t see enough of in our increasingly ego-driven, self-centered society. They give me hope that as my own generation ages and slowly wrestles the reigns of authority from those who came before, progress will be made in our lifetimes. More than that, this experience has also made me understand that “Yes We Can” is not a motto that is the sole province of one politician’s campaign, but rather a reminder that grassroots organizing can and does work to effect change. And while the thousands of protesters who spilled into the streets of California’s major cities this weekend might be viewed as too little, too late, perhaps this hateful experience has reminded them too. Just maybe, this very loss has brought the hope of change back to us all.