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It always amuses me when people pretend to be horrified that their friends are trying online dating. It even amused me ten years ago, when it was still a relatively new concept. After all, you’re just as likely to meet an axe murderer squeezing melons in the produce section as you are on match.com; he’s just probably going to be a more outgoing axe murderer. Even though some won’t admit it, my guess is that nearly everyone I know has given internet personals a try. The trick is, however, to do it well. Here are a few things to avoid when putting yourself out there:

Don’t be the jerk without a photo. Okay, in 1998, it wasn’t a big deal to not have a picture of yourself on an online personals ad. You had the one friend with the digital camera, sure, but getting them to take a picture and email it to you over dial-up was just a hassle. But c’mon people…it’s 2008. There’s no excuse. Even your phone has a built in camera! So what does it say about you if you lack a photo? Well, it’s online dating site code for “I’m hideously deformed” or “I’m so fucking lazy that I can’t be bothered to post a photo, let alone answer your email and set up a date.” Or possibly “I’m creepily stalking exes on here and had to set up a profile, but I don’t want them to know.”

Fill in the profile. Nothing is more annoying than an empty profile. The profile is your chance to create a first impression on others. Don’t write an autobiography, but at least try to give some impression of who you are and what kinds of activities and people you enjoy.

Don’t look for reasons not to talk to people. This is about meeting someone new and chances are that the person who will work out for dating won’t have every single thing you want. They will be too short, too brown-haired, too shy, too something…but there still might be some magic anyway. Push your boundaries and try talking to someone new, even if you aren’t sure about them. When others write to you, be polite and respond, even if your response is “Thank you for writing, but I don’t think we would be compatible.”

Just suck it and up make a date. Talking online forever is not a way to build a relationship or to build trust. Do not spend weeks and weeks emailing and IMing. It just creates unrealistic expectations in the end. Go with your gut and if a person seems interesting, suggest coffee (or whatever beverage you enjoy).

Everyone is lame on a first date. Everyone. Unless a person is hideously offensive (and yes, that has happened to me), a second date is probably warranted. Everyone is nervous on date number one and that usually ends up hiding some of one’s better qualities. On a second date, you can relax a little bit more and actually start getting to know one another. At this point, you can start to figure out if you want to pursue future dates.

Okay, have you got the 101 down? Good. Go out and try it and let us know how it works out. The advanced course will be coming up sometime soon.

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