Nov 30
JeremySociety and Culture Thanksgiving
Question: How was your Thanksgiving?
Answer: Dude, my Thanksgiving rocked. I travelled a few thousand miles to spend it with my sister, brother-in-law and absolutely amazing little niece. I got to cook Thanksgiving dinner, which in my world is the awesomest thing that could’ve happened that day.
Really, I had a week to remind me how much I actually have to be thankful for. I’ve spent an entire week’s time away from work. I haven’t even checked my work email ONCE since Saturday the 22nd. I’m seriously thankful for that.
I’m thankful that I was able to spend a few days with a little girl who means the world to me, who is growing up so very, very fast. I saw her three scant months ago, but already she’s big enough to be running around on her own and gibbering away, both in English and what appears to be her own language. Seeing her means that maybe Uncle Jeremy won’t be such a stranger the next time around. Seeing her also means seeing her parents, which is not something I get to do often enough. I’m thankful that their schedules worked out so well for me to be able to spend time with them all, despite there being workdays in the week.
I’m thankful for seeing a friend I see altogether too infrequently who happened to move to the same city where my sister lives. I’m glad we got to spend a day together and check out some cool art museum exhibits. I’m thankful for the really tasty cocktail that I got as we chatted during happy hour. I’m not entirely sure I’m thankful for the sweet potato spring roll, but we live and learn. Seeing a friend reminds me just how much we don’t get from instant messenger and facebook.
I’m thankful for a cheap upgrade to first class, too. On my way home, I was supposed to be spending two three and a half hour flights crammed between two other people at the back of the plane. Instead, I spent it in luxury at the front of the plane for just a few extra dollars, with a flight attendant who kept refilling the one drink I ordered to the point where I was completely hammered. That made the time pass quickly.
Yeah, my Thanksgiving reminded me that I have a lot to be thankful for. I’m also thankful that I didn’t go shopping this weekend.
Nov 24
JeremySociety and Culture Gay, gay marriage
Question: What is really behind the push to ban gay marriage?
Answer: Dear Gentle Reader,
An excellent question and elegantly phrased. Many would have asked “who” rather than “what,” but I think you have, in fact, hit the nail on the head. To answer your question, jealousy is behind the push to ban gay marriage. Basically, they see me, they hatin’ on me because my lifestyle is fabulous.
I have a spacious, well-decorated apartment, a new car, two flat screen TVs and a Masters degree I didn’t go into debt for. I can eat out pretty much whenever I want, and when I don’t eat out, I can afford to buy name brand and even organic foods. I have leisure time and I can jet off for a weekend’s escapade on a whim. If I shop at a discount store, it’s because I want to, not have to.
Now, those who oppose my right to get married basically fall into one group (which is why I’m assuming you didn’t ask who): crazy, right-wing, psycho-religious fundies. If you’re wondering how I define that term, you might be a crazy, right-wing, psychoreligious fundy if you can quote any section of the Christian Bible chapter and verse. These people are generally not allowed by their beliefs to use birth control, not that they would be responsible enough to in any case. So where does the money go and why can’t they afford a lifestyle like mine? To all those dozens and dozens of children they each have, of course. They must feed, clothe, and buy ridiculous toys for them, while I remain unencumbered. (By the way, the reason the same people also don’t want us to adopt is that they are afraid that if we get the tax deductions for having children, too, then their welfare check will go down.)
Well, that and the fear of all the wild buttsex. The women are afraid their men will want it and the men are afraid their women will want to turn the tables on them!
Until next time!
Nov 09
JeremyPolitics and Nation, Society and Culture california, gay marriage, prop 8, proposition 8, yes we can
There has been much rejoicing in the past few days on the part of the socially and politically liberal with the election of Barack Obama as US president. Everywhere I go, there seems to be a renewed sense of hope so strong it even seems to infect those who wished for a different outcome. It’s worthwhile to remember, though, that there are other outcomes of this year’s elections that the same people cannot look at with the same joy. While the nationally the voters may have said “Yes We Can,” the voters of California told many of its citizens “No You Can’t” with the passage of Proposition 8 against gay marriage in that state, along with voters in Florida and Arizona who approved similar bans and those in Arkansas who approved a ban on gay couples adopting children.
The success of Prop 8 by half a million votes is a very real setback for gays and lesbians and the ongoing fight for equality. California was one of only three states in which gay marriage has been legally sanctioned; now only Massachusetts and Connecticut remain. Frankly, its passage has also been a nasty surprise to all of us who think of California as the veritable home of liberalism, unlike passage of those measures in other states which were a foregone conclusion. While I heard concerns from friends in California before the election, I (and many others outside that state) didn’t pay enough attention to really get that Prop 8′s passage was a potential reality. Honestly, I chalked it up to something along the lines of Question 1 in Massachusetts, which I knew would attract some support, but never nearly enough to pass. Sometimes, however, the voters surprise me.
All of this is enough to remind me of what the political state of this country really is. Looking around at all those acolytes of “Yes We Can,” I want to remind them that even our President-elect has said “No You Can’t” to that same population of people. While it may be political suicide to declare support for (or even indifference to) gay marriage, it is still a disappointment that the most vocally liberal major politician elected in our generation can’t even find a way to defer the question. Instead, even Barack Obama has quite clearly and in no uncertain terms told us that he does not support the right of gays to marry. Despite this, I hear many of my friends rationalizing his position away by saying “Well, he HAS to say that.” While this may be sad, it is also a reality check reminding us how far there really is to go yet.
However, if this is really the case, where can we find hope that things will change someday? For me, I look to my friends. For the past week, I would venture to say that Prop 8 has probably been the second most discussed issue among my friends on Facebook. Given the kind of stuff I write about here, maybe that doesn’t surprise you, especially if you assume that my friends list is made up primarily of gay men. That assumption, however, would be grossly inaccurate, as would any assumption that it’s the gay men and women who have been discussing it the most. No, the place where I find my hope for change is in the number of straight friends who are absolutely outraged by this legislation. Their discussion has met or exceeded that of my gay friends, the population actually directly impacted. Their expressed disapproval does not seem to be directly on the behalf of others, despite the fact that nearly everyone these days has a gay friend, relative, or colleague; rather, it is a straightforward belief in social equality.
In expressing his disappointment, a (straight Republican) friend said to me a few days ago, “I don’t care who wants to get married as long as they are subject to all the rights and responsibilities I am, so that if his husband cheats on him, he gets the house in the divorce.” Listening to him made me realize how proud I am to have friends who are willing to stand up for others, something we don’t see enough of in our increasingly ego-driven, self-centered society. They give me hope that as my own generation ages and slowly wrestles the reigns of authority from those who came before, progress will be made in our lifetimes. More than that, this experience has also made me understand that “Yes We Can” is not a motto that is the sole province of one politician’s campaign, but rather a reminder that grassroots organizing can and does work to effect change. And while the thousands of protesters who spilled into the streets of California’s major cities this weekend might be viewed as too little, too late, perhaps this hateful experience has reminded them too. Just maybe, this very loss has brought the hope of change back to us all.
Oct 15
JeremySociety and Culture, Travel Boston, eye contact, manners, New England, rude, Travel
Yet again today, I read a comment online today about how Boston is the rudest city in the country, implying that visitors (or even residents) should not expect courtesy here. Sadly, I hear this all too often and, even sadder, it’s born of misperception rather than truth. The people of Boston and the surrounding communities, the ones who were raised here and whose families have lived here for years, are not fundamentally rude. They are, however, culturally different from their counterparts in other cities. Once you understand the fundamentals of how the people of the Northeast operate, you will see them in a new light and understand how to interact with them. Keep in mind that Boston was founded by Puritans and 350 years later that still affects the way we act and what we consider to be proper manners. To help get you through, here are a few rules of the road:
Rule #1: Don’t look anyone in the eye. Okay, you can look some people in the eye, but only people you know well and only in a clearly social or private business situation. In a public setting, making eye contact is considered an invasion of privacy and, hence, very rude. The irony is that when someone passes you on the sidewalk and doesn’t look at you, they are trying to be polite by Boston instinct rather than being rude as is perceived.
Rule #2: If eye contact is bad, greeting people is worse. Bostonians don’t greet anyone they don’t know well, unlike other cities where friendly folk may say hello to everyone they meet. Basically, here are the rules. For people you don’t know at all, no eye contact, no nothin’. For people with whom you are vaguely acquainted, but necessarily remember their names or only met them once or twice, a brisk nod suffices as a proper greeting when passing. (Like the guy I went on a date with a couple years ago who shows up on the T once in a while.)
Rule #3: Ask for help if you need it. People won’t go out of their way to offer your assistance. Yep, it’s that privacy thing again. It’s rude to get involved in the troubles or difficulties of others unless requested. Clearly, imminent threat to life and limb is an exception to this rule, but it is otherwise true. The problems of other people should be kept private. Of course, that doesn’t mean that behind closed doors, problems can’t be discussed. We’re talking about public behavior here. Out of sight, you can talk to your friends about them and you can be damn sure that, if you’re in a small town, others are talking about your problems out of the public eye. But they are not going to offer help unless you ask for it.
Rule #4: Asking for help is a sign of social or moral weakness. You should be able to handle anything life throws at you, in true Puritan fashion. Life is hard, full of trials, and that’s just the way it’s supposed to be. It is simply unseemly to need help. Again, imminent harm is the exception. This seems to be in direct contravention of Rule #3, but there you have it. Corollary to both of these rules is “if you’re going to ask for help, you’d better damn well need it.” Don’t show weakness; people don’t want to see it in public. Just suck it up and figure it out.
Rule #5: Above all, practicality. At heart, Bostonians are ridiculously practical people. They don’t walk with their heads in the clouds. Unfortunately, this dour attitude often comes across as cynicism or pessimism. In reality, it’s more like prepare for the worst and don’t dare hope for the best. That way, you can be pleasantly surprised when something comes out right. So when someone puts down your idea, don’t take it personally. It’s just that pesky realism.
Rule #6: Get a Nav System and Don’t Trust Directions. Yeah, this is unrelated to any of the above, but it’s an important one, unless you grew up here. The directions you get from any true resident of the Northeast will NOT get you where you’re going. The landmarks they will give you are ones that existed years ago, not those that exist now. And the names of roads (yes, even the ones with numbers) might just be different. (“Old Rt. 1″ isn’t just a cute term…) We’re not trying to be jerks and get you lost on purpose. It’s just the way we give directions here.
Remember these six rules because they will make your life easier if you’re new here, but take them with a grain of salt, too. There will always be people who suck, no matter where you are. There are also people who move to Boston, get told that everyone is rude, and then proceed to act rudely believing that they have been given license to. They are the exceptions rather than the rule. If you adopt the Boston point of view, you’ll see the behaviors very differently. Politeness is in the eye of the beholder.
Oct 10
JeremyPolitics and Nation, Relationships, Society and Culture gay marriage, Kerrigan v. the state Commissioner of Public Health
Connecticut’s Supreme Court ruled today to legalize same-sex marriage in that state, joining neighboring Massachusetts and distant California. The state has an existing civil unions law, but eight couples sued on the basis that the law was inherently discriminatory and set up inequality for a minority group. Four of Connecticut’s seven supreme court justices agreed with that argument, stating that the state of Connecticut “failed to establish adequate reason to justify the statutory ban on same sex marriage.”
To give Connecticut its due, it was the first state to enact civil unions on its own, without a court-order, but stopped shy of recognizing full marriage rights. So far, all three states that have legalized gay marriage have done so through the court system and not through legislation. In Massachusetts counter-legislation has failed abysmally on a number of occasions, affirming legislators’ tacit support.
A full copy of the decision is available here (Kerrigan v. Commissioner of Public Health).
Oct 09
JeremyBusiness, Life in Digital, Society and Culture communication, investing, media, stock market, stocks, Wall Street
I’ve said it before and I will say it again: instant communication is not a good thing because people aren’t mature enough to handle it. Plenty of blogs out there self-righteously bitch about cellphone etiquette or whether or not one should keep facebook profiles private. Google has now even introduced “Mail Goggles” to help us regulate those late night, drunken emails that are never a good idea. All this, however, focuses solely on the responsibility of the individual, private citizen. Rarely do we discuss the responsibilities of larger organizations in the digital age of instant updates and this is a conversation we should be having.
This morning, around 10:00 a.m., I logged onto a news site as I usually do to see what the headlines are. The top of the page, in large bold text, proudly declaimed “Dow Gains on Opening.” Shortly thereafter, the Dow dropped a couple hundred points. While people chalk that up to the market’s current volatility, they haven’t thought about the reasons why the market has gotten as volatile as it is now. The silent, contributing factor is that, in short, instant communication that may in fact be over-communication. Nervous investors, everyday people, who are worried about their money see those morning gains and say “I’ve got to sell right now.” When they all unload at once, the market roils.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not blaming the media for precipitating the current economic situation. That blame rests largely on the shoulders of unethical individuals out there in the markets (and not on government regulators or whoever else they want to shift the burden onto, but that’s a different story). The media, however, took a bad situation and turned it into an instant crisis by reporting on it in excruciatingly minute detail moment by moment over the past weeks. And because the best headline attracts the most readers (and hence the most money), even the slightest move is blown out of proportion.
The market has always been subject to these tensions to some degree, as those on Wall Street directly involved followed their various information sources and reacted in appropriate, deliberate manners. However, the advent of instant updates via the internet and text messages has now brought the everyman investor into the loop. While that is not a bad thing in and of itself, the everyman, who has perhaps purchased his stocks through a website like Sharebuilder or any of the other online investing tools, may never have even talked to a stockbroker who can give him advice and is singularly unprepared to make responsible decisions in the face of changing conditions. It’s easy to panic when your retirement nest egg is on the line and panic leads to bad decision-making, whereas even a decade ago, that same investor likely only saw the stock’s closing price in the morning paper. Without blow-by-blow information throughout the day, the investor could make decisions based on trends rather than overreacting in an instant. In this case, being irresponsibly flooded with out-of-context data has directly contributed to making the situation worse rather than better.
The above is but one example of how the wonders of instant communication negatively impact us. We would all be able to lead better lives if our media’s ethics would catch up with the digital age. As individuals, we personally need to learn to take what we hear with a grain of salt, learn to ask better questions, demand better, more responsible answers, and learn to take a deep breath before reacting. Right now, I know from the scrolling news ticker on my IM program that the Dow is down another 104.97 points, but I’m going to take a deep breath and ride it out, no matter what the news sites tell me throughout the day. After all, it’s only news, not the facts.
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