Jan 07
AndrewTelevision Donald Trump, Ivanka, The Apprentice
A brand new season of The Apprentice doesn’t exactly have me on the edge of my seat. In fact, I am prepared to hate it. But The Apprentice LA debuts tonight on NBC and, yup, I’m watching.
The show had just really lost its luster.
It started with the intriguing addition of Martha Stewart Apprentice, which quickly degenerated into one of the worst, most painful hours on television. She wrote apology letters to the contestants that she dismissed (they were never fired, just allowed to drift away.) The contestants really lacked any significant business acumen and often times, seemed as loopy and disconnected as Martha herself.
But back on Trump’s side, we had to sit through the last two seasons of wildly unlikable and unmemorable cast members. The Apprentice had become a stale product. Trump began to shuffle his sidekicks, giving George and Caroline the boot in favor of past Apprentice winners and his children. Ivanka’s cool, but Trump Jr. is one unattractive, uninteresting dude. And the match-ups were not as interesting as they could have been.
The tasks were always kind of lame. They smacked more of product endorsement than anything that was specifically designed to give us insight into business. Even as a backdrop to getting to know the contestants, it was not the greatest forum.
I am holding out a small glimmer of hope. What has always made The Apprentice interesting is the show’s commitment to diversity. The cast runs the gamut of personalities, background and cultures and The Apprentice more than any other reality show on television, represents a wide swath of America’s landscape. In fact, the only uniting factor is that they all have experience in big business, either as entrepreneurs or as upper management, and an outrageously inflated sense of self-worth.
This season of The Apprentice, the haves vs. have-nots, opens with Trump talking to his wife and his gurgling infant child on a cell phone. Then they are reunited at his L.A. mansion. Humanizes him. But it is the little touches, the interjection of business acumen and professional interaction, that I like best about the show.
The great thing about Apprentice folk more than any other reality show I have ever seen is that they say things to the camera that you almost swear they have no idea how self-deluded they are. The guy today, Martin, stands around and watches everyone else build the tent (don’t even get me started on the tent) and then in his interview, says that he thought it was important that people see that he can serve a function. The function of standing around watching everyone else work apparently… (Bonus: he asked Trump for permission to go to the bathroom. Can you imagine doing that in a job interview?) Martin gets the most face time on camera, so of course, they sell him down the river later in boardroom.
As far as the LA product, I have to say, I already love Ivanka and she might just make this season for me. Her interaction with the cast members is priceless, and when she analyzes performance, she’s straight-forward and on-point. She actually demonstrates business smarts which is not always a given on this show.
The heart of The Apprentice is in the boardroom, but the conversations and arguments don’t always make a lot of sense. How much of that is editing and how much of that is just a clash of egos and people not listening to each other? On various occasions, Trump has done a really good mediating an actual discussion about the good and bad of the particular task. Tonight’s show is a good start to the season, judging on the boardroom scenes. Ivanka is definitely a huge positive in the boardroom. I’m loving her. She points out that none of the other contestants might have done any better as project manager than Frank did on this task (a car wash business if you didn’t watch it) particularly in light of the fact that the whole team had just met and did not know each other’s skill sets. There is also another twist that puts the winning team’s project manager in the board room as Trump’s sidekick. Heidi does a pretty good job of contributing to the conversation without sounding too smug because her team won.
So I hate to say this, but my fears may be unfounded. Good thing Sunday night football is over; I think I can make room in my television viewing schedule.
Jan 07
AndrewTelevision Brazil, Simpsons
The Simpsons took another shot at the country of Brazil in tonight’s episode “The Wife Aquatic.”
Tourism officials in Brazil were already incensed by an episode of The Simpsons “Blame it on Lisa” where Homer is robbed and kidnapped in Rio de Janeiro by taxi drivers. The show depicted a scene where hundreds of snakes are seen slithering around the streets, violent monkeys rule the city, and the men are all bisexual. At one point just after arriving in Rio, Homer and Bart are robbed by a gang of young children. Representatives of the Brazil’s tourist board cried foul, claiming the show was undermining their effort to increase tourism in their country. They went so far as to pursue legal action against the show’s producers.
In tonight’s episode, Homer takes the family to Marge’s childhood vacation spot, Barnacle Bay. Upon finding Barnacle Bay rundown and overtaken by homeless, Lisa Simpson exclaims that “this is the most disgusting place we’ve ever gone!”
To which Bart replies, “What about Brazil?”
And Lisa quips, “After Brazil.”
It is no doubt a deliberate, however minor, jab at the country that threatened to sue The Simpsons.
Jan 03
AndrewTelevision Apprentice, Donald Trump, Rosie O'Donnell
It is officially 2007 and some unwise decisions have left me with a hangover from last year. Here’s my list:
Donald Trump, what were you thinking?
Here’s my theory about the whole Donald Trump versus Rosie O’Donnell thing.
Trump’s last season of The Apprentice tanked. Martha Stewart left a bad taste in the mouth of every Apprentice fan at the beginning of the year, and it reflected in the ratings of his signature show. Even the fans that were still watching in June when he crowned Sean the next apprentice can’t remember who won.
Flash forward to December. Now the new season of The Apprentice has been slotted for January 7, and Trump needs to drum up some PR. Along comes O’Donnell to stick her nose in Trump’s business and, being the shark that he is, he sticks her back. The debate about Miss USA was just a convenient excuse for Trump to get his name in the news. Even the staging of the announcement that Miss USA would keep her title, flying her to New York for a private meeting with Trump just an hour before the announcement, reeked of indulgent self-aggrandizing.
Maybe it will work, even though NBC buried The Apprentice Los Angeles on Sunday nights at 10 p.m. (excepting the premiere which starts a half-hour earlier.) Trump is all about self-promotion. Every product he puts out there is an extension of his brand name. He wears his hair like a dead hamster on his head because people talk about it. So given all that, what does his brand say about the man? In my opinion, nothing good.
I don’t really mind the jawing. I think there is room in the world for both Trump and O’Donnell. But I would really like Trump to put some thought into his product. The ad campaign for The Apprentice L.A. is hawking the losing candidates sleeping outside in tents. What the hell does that have to do with a job interview? If Trump wants to give the show a fan base, he needs to get back to what makes the show great. Highly-educated individuals with an over-inflated sense of self-worth clawing all over each other to do Trump’s bidding in order to become a paid bitch. Oh wait, when you put it that way, maybe tents is a good idea…
Jan 02
AndrewTelevision American Idol, Katharine McPhee, Taylor Hicks
It is officially 2007 and some unwise decisions have left me with a hangover from last year. Here’s my list:
American Idol, what were you thinking voting Taylor Hicks to the top spot?
First Hicks impressions:
Just how old are you? Too fat to be an American Idol. Do you sing anything contemporary?
Well, Hicks was at the top of the eligible age bracket. He lost weight during the show. The producers gave him a stylist when they realized he wasn’t being voted off. He still does not sing anything contemporary. His stage presence is frenetic and lopsided. He can sing, but has zero appeal as a performer.
Hicks was the easy pick over the well-to-do L.A. girl Katharine McPhee. Her voice was inconsistent from week to week, she practically wilted under the stage lights, and had nothing on Hicks for the Southern voting bloc. The fact that it came down to the two of them brings up another complaint…
Chris Daughtry seemed like the best candidate for the win, even up to the last second when he was voted off the show. He would have been the first pure rocker to take the show, and how hot was he. That’s not a question. So how come he got voted off before the final week?
You can blame Idol producers (I do) or you can blame the voting audience. This is not a call for conspiracy. But damn well the producers position certain contestants for succeeding week to week. They have a hand in song choice, arrangement, the order of each performance during the broadcast, and all of it affects the voting results. There is no doubt in my mind that Hicks and McPhee were in the top two for a reason. But damned if I can figure out what that reason might have been.
My favorite theory: there was no way either Hicks or McPhee were selling albums without a huge Idol endorsement. So Daughtry, whose career is going to be swell, got the boot so that American Idol and Arista could sell more Taylor Hicks (that is the name of the album, too.)
Next up, the January 30 release of Katharine McPhee’s RCA album Never Saw It Comin’. Two words for you.
Justin. Guarini.
Dec 04
AndrewTelevision Game shows, Weakest Link
I never forget before Weakest Link went into syndication with that horrible Anne Robinson-wannabe George Gray, that Anne Robinson made my day like no other game show host. She was hot like no other woman on television.
Let’s play The Weakest Link!
Anne Robinson burst into my heart on April 16, 2001 like a needle of adrenaline. She made that show more miserable and painstaking then the fact that the eight people could string together a series of correct answers but inevitably the weakest players would bank before their turn because they lacked the confidence to think they would get the questions right. It never hurt the show that the questions were stupendously easy, making it way more exciting than watching a half-hour episode of Jeopardy any day.
It is fact that Anne Robinson started a fashion trend that inspired some 80 countries worth of Robinson wannabes that were forced to dye their hair red and act hostile while hosting their native version of Weakest Link. Can you imagination those auditions?
“You are the weakest link. Goodbye!”
“Jij bent de zwakste schakel, tot ziens!”
“¡Eres la conexion mas debil, adios!”
“Du bist das schwachste glied, auf wiedersehen!” (Translated from German as “You are the most flaccid member, goodbye!”)
Anne Robinson was hired to play herself (sort of) in 2005 for the show Doctor Who (for Americans, just skip this paragraph as nothing I say is going to make sense.) She plays a robot host of the game show that has trapped one of the TARDIS crew (Rose, if you care) and as the contestants lose, they get killed. The Ninth Doctor is in the Big Brother house and Jack gets a What Not To Wear makeover from two gynoids. See, I warned you.
Whose game is over?
So according to GSN The Network for Games, Anne Robinson’s Weakest Link reruns are no longer on the schedule, but occasionally you can catch a glimpse of that dilrod George Gray. What ever made them think that Weakest Link would work with a genial American man…like the exact opposite of the show’s premise, when you think about it?
But Anne Robinson is not lost. She is hosting The Weakest Link: Champion’s League for BBC1. They take eight experts of a particular theme and race them through the Anne Robinson marathon just like the same format of the American version. Apparently “experts” includes doctors, daytime talk show hosts and drag queens.
You leave with nothing!
The show may be doomed to syndication obscurity, but I will always have the memories.
Sep 21
AndrewTelevision ANTM, CW, Top Model, Tyra Banks
Alright, without shame, I admit I am a big fan of America’s Next Top Model. Since reality television has become all the rage, I have cultivated a short list of shows that I will unabashedly hurl myself in front of the TV to watch, furniture and people in my way be damned!
Here is the shortlist:
Real World/Road Rules Challenge
The Apprentice
Nanny 911
Hell’s Kitchen
And of course, Americas Next Top Model. By far ANTM makes me salivate the most. A two-hour season premiere on Wednesday is on the same level of ecstasy as the Patriots in the Superbowl. A roomful of naked models, although admittedly women, taking glamour shots and acting like divas, for a concept, it is pure gold. Tyra Banks entertains me, and she surrounds herself with buoyant personalities. Read on for my prediction of this season’s winner.
First Hour, First Impressions
So here are some impressions of the models during hour 1 of the premiere.
Becky my first impression is that she is pretty. Then later, she tells us she raises pigs. Seems like she could have left that one alone.
Evita played off of the kids at home and husband in the military sympathies immediately. How do you say “cheap ploy” in Arabic?
Caridee idiot.
Her quotes so far: “I do things people wouldnt normally do,” trying to describe her reckless and spontaneous nature but basically it comes off sounding like, if you jumped off a bridge, she would be right behind you.
And describing the Aswirl twins, she calls them, “The two twins of twirl…land” with an uncertain pause as if she herself is not sure what she is saying.
The twins Both Immediately indistinguishable to me. Each girl has an identical ruddy, long pointed nose. They should be pulling Santa’s sled.
Oh, its Cari-dee. I was pronouncing it as one word, like in David Carradine.
Anchal She gets points for being the first to cry on camera.
Monique Does not get points for being the second to cry because of childhood trauma. Later says she will go,As far as my mind takes me. Hello? It is your body that is taking you places honey. Or not, as the case may be. And for the record, your mind ain’t doing you any favors so far.
Eugena trash talker. Describes herself as “straight forward” which is just another way to say ‘mean gossip.’
Megan in the swimsuit, she makes a really hot boy.
Evita her sob story repeated for the judges, then she cried. Nice body in the bathing suit. Memo to Evita: just because you abandoned your two kids for fifteen minutes of fame, does not mean you “want it more.”
Cyndel the “entertainer.” Tyra tells her stripping is not modeling, but somehow Cyndel seems unconvinced. I am still trying to decide if Cyndel is her stripper name…
Jaslene Those horse teeth! You can see them from space. On the close-up, my entire screen went white (and a couple shades of yellow. Eeww
)
Melrose I don’t even know what to say, ask me later.
Cyndel again. This girl is some serious white trash. Jay, she’s gonna pop your tires if she ever figure out what car is yours.
Ginger objects to the nude photo shoot saying that women should not “expose your private parts and I just cant do it.” There is always one girl that you would just swear has never seen the show before. Take off them damn clothes, woman!
Melrose has a mouth on her. I guess that is something to say.
Megg goes crazy with the whore make-up during the nude photo shoot.
Caridee tells the women, you cannot be sheltered, trying to convince the prude girls to drop trou for the camera. Quoted so much during this episode, she must make the cut. During elimination, the expression on her face is surreal. She looks like she was going to split open, the suspense if too much for her. Slowly, her expression becomes more and more pained as Tyra continues to call for other girls to “come on down!” She makes it, though.
Predicting the Winner
On ANTM, it is pretty hard to predict a winner prior to the make-over episode. Then you can really tell the ones that have the goods. Still, I am going to use all of my accumulated ANTM knowledge to do exactly that. Here is how it goes.
Megan - the butch boy look is so last cycle.
Christian - well, she got the boot by the end of the episode so no precognition needed there.
Monique - she’s a bitch and that is usually good to make the final five, but she has absolutely no sense of what to do in front of the camera to make herself look pretty, and the first time she is uncooperative to Jay, she’s eliminated. (And I will not even mention how classy it was that she poured water on to someone else’s bed and claimed she peed on it.)
Jaeda - no personality only works as long as you take great pictures.
Megg - her slouch is yuck, and face is unpleasant. She always looks like she’s squinting.
Anchal - her figure borders on plus size. She does take good photos but inevitably low self-esteem plus a big booty does not a Top Model make.
Brooke - too young.
Melrose - she cried! Then she cried again during elimination even though she made it through to next week. There are pills for that.
Eugena - not much in the way of developing personality, she is a basic nobody special in the first episode.
A.J. -- love the shot, but she cried during judging. Keep talking about how unique you are and nobody will believe it.
Caridee good stuff, and I take back whatever bad things I have said about her.
Amanda (Twin 1) -- great pose, great poise. And the nose didn’t look half bad in the second episode.
Michelle (Twin 2) -- loved her shot, and so did the judges. The twin that can do the better strut on the runway will keep going in the competition.
My prediction is Caridee.
Older Entries Newer Entries
RSS
