Jan 07
SquidWhy Starbucks Sucks
If I am paying four or five dollars for a cup of coffee I like my server to be polite. When I walk into Starbucks, Peet’s or Espresso Royale I like to be greeted with a smile… or at the very least, simply greeted. I like someone to take my order in a timely fashion and actually make eye contact with me. Hey, I hate my job too… but I’m still smiling and wishing you a nice day when I order my drink at 7:30am, Ms. Barista, so I’d like the same courtesy.
When I’m the 20th person in line at a Dunkin’ Donuts or McDonald’s during the morning rush and enter the shop as 3 buses have just emptied outside, I don’t expect my server to smile, be polite, or wish me a nice day. I am just happy for them to shout “Next!” and hand my coffee over in a matter of seconds. Is this a double standard? Perhaps, but you get what you pay for. For $.99, you’re shouted at and your coffee is slid to you across a greasy counter; for $4.59, perhaps you could be treated well and spoken to like a human being. Right?
Well, things seem to be a reversed here in Harvard Square. I visit the Church Street Starbucks 3-5 times a week. Each day I wait in line for at least 5 minutes. Each day I am at the counter for at least a minute before someone even looks at me (despite there being three or four people running around behind the counter). Each day, even though I order the same drink from the same girl, my order is not remembered. Rarely do the baristas smile, make eye contact, or wish me a nice day (all three of which, by the way, are things baristas are told they must do). They seem inconvenienced to be there, angry that I’m using a debit card, and completely just fed up with life in general as they roll their eyes and sigh their way through their shift.
When I began working in the neighborhood I would visit the Dunkin’ Donuts at JFK and Eliot Street every morning. My order was the same every day: a medium black coffee and a reduced fat blueberry muffin (which is cheaper than a triple grande skinny vanilla latte). After about a week one of the women at the counter would see me at the end of the line and have my breakfast ready for me by the time I got to the register. She would smile and say, “Good morning! How are you today? Medium black and low fat blueberry muffin?” I would nod, hand over my $3.31, and she’d smile and say “Goodbye! Have a nice day!”
A few weeks ago, due to a little bit of Christmas debt, I stopped into Dunkin’ Donuts again after about a 6 month haitus. I got off the 86 bus, followed the crowd through the orange doors, and waited in line for no more than a minute. When I got to the register, my old friend greeted me. “Good morning! I haven’t seen you in a long time! Medium black and low fat blueberry muffin?” I love her.
Dec 15
SquidWhy Starbucks Sucks
I’ve always ordered my lattes with nonfat milk, despite the fact that everyday (or sometimes twice or three times a day), I leave Starbucks with my triple grande skinny vanilla latte disappointed by the foaminess of my non-fat milk. I like my latte foam to be similar to the consistency of a squirt of Mens’ Gillette Foamy Shaving Cream, but instead, I’m repeatedly given foam that more resembles bubbly spit. The milk, for some reason, waters down the taste of espresso in my latte as well- making the sugar-free vanilla far too noticeable… and so sweet that it is almost nauseating. All in all, my $4.50 coffee leaves me disappointed every time, no matter which Starbucks I visit.
Well… last week I went to Peet’s. And ordered a non-fat latte. With sugar-free vanilla. And it was amazing.
I’m not going to lie, they’re a little slow. But my coffee was unbelievable. First, they use real espresso machines and have real baristas. Back in my day as a Starbucks barista, we were trained to use manual espresso machines. With a little handle you would have to pull ground espresso from a grinder into a portafilter, and then ever so skillfully tamp the espresso into the portafilter with just enough (but not too much) pressure to pack the coffee in just right- so when the portafilter is put into the machine and the water is turned on, it takes between 18 and 22 seconds for the shot to pour. If the shot pours too fast, the shot will be too weak; too slow- too strong. For the last few years, Starbucks has been using an automatic machine- barista’s just press a button and a shot of espresso pours out. Plain and simple.
My Pete’s baristas also steamed my non-fat milk to perfection. The foam on top of my latte was thick and creamy and smooth- almost like a melted merangue. Starbucks baristas will steam whole half gallons of milk at a time in one large stainless steel pitcher and then divide the milk between the cups in the queue. If there is more milk left than is needed for drinks, the barista will put the milk aside and steam it again when it is needed (milk is only supposed to be re-steamed once- but I don’t believe that everyone sticks to that rule). You know when your latte tastes slightly sour and bit burnt? Yeah- your milk was re-steamed. Peet’s seems to steam their milk on a drink by drink basis… making your milk hot, fresh, and foamy. Yum.
To make a long story short, Starbucks sucks as usual, but especially compared to a coffeeshop that actually MAKES your coffee, instead of just pushing buttons and going through the motions.
Dec 03
SquidWhy Starbucks Sucks Coffee
Starbucks is now offering “clover coffee.” From what I can tell, because they no longer brew different blends on a daily rotation, they brew small batches of their different blends to order -- kind of what they used to do with the french press, but now with a different machine. A friend and I went down to Starbucks a few days ago for a mid-afternoon coffee. I generally don’t ask anyone in the office if they’d like me to bring back anything, because frankly, it ruins my chance to leave my windowless office and take a leisurely stroll when I have to balance three different cups on my arm while walking down Brattle Street. But, my friend decided to make the rounds, announce that we were heading to Starbucks, and was asked to bring back a clover coffee. After waiting in a 10 minute line (without the barista offering to start drinks for those waiting), my friend ordered herself latte and a clover coffee for our co-worker. Apparently, neither our co-worker nor my friend realized that clover comes in different blends, as clover itself is not a flavor, so my very loud friend shouted over to me, as I’m at the bar, “Hey! I don’t understand this! What is this? Are there different flavors? Help me!” Now, I wasn’t too excited that this person had tagged along on my midday walk in the first place because she’s really loud and I’m usually too tired to listen to her, and I really didn’t feel like going back to the register to explain the process to her, but the cashier was just standing there, not offering to explain the process, blends, or anything else.
I made my way over to the clover station and told my friend to get any blend. If our co-worker didn’t know clover came in assorted varieties, then she wouldn’t be picky. Apparently, it takes about 5 minutes to make a clover coffee, during which time my friend decided to chat up the barista. In their conversation, which I was not involved in because I would rather just let the poor girl do her job, my friend asked the barista if she liked working at Starbucks. I see this particular barista at least once a day. She never smiles, she never makes eye contact, and she generally looks miserable, so I wasn’t surprised when she answered with a VERY unprofessional “I hate my job… I wish I could quit.” Um, wow. Really? I will go out on a limb and say that none of us absolutely love our jobs. I hate my job most of the time -- but when a student asks how I like working at the university, I reply, “It is really interesting and I’m fortunate to work with such great faculty,” because my response, while ambiguous and not ridiculously positive, is at least professional. After spending 20 minutes in the tiniest Starbucks ever, my friend and I ventured back out into the cold. We made our way through the cloud of smoke on the sidewalk released by Shift Supervisor’s Newport Light, and delivered the damn clover coffee.
Nov 24
SquidWhy Starbucks Sucks
The Church Street Starbucks in Harvard Square has to be the worst Starbucks I’ve ever been to. Of course, it is the only Starbucks on my direct route to work in the morning, and seeing as how I’m one of those people who would sleep all day if they could, I really don’t leave myself the time in the morning to go to the better store three blocks away and still make it to work by 8am. Work has been unbelievably hectic for the past few months, and one can get rather stir crazy being cooped up in a windowless five by eight office for eight or nine hours a day. To break up the monotony, a friend and I have been venturing out to get coffee in the afternoon. However, what was intended to be our relaxing break from emails, phone calls, students and micromanagers has turned into a daily disaster.
Last week, we walked the block from our office to the Church Street Starbucks to find the line to be about 10 or 12 people deep. As I made my way to the back of the store and the end of the line, I noticed a woman handing a drink over to the cashier, telling her that it wasn’t what she wanted and she didn’t have the time to wait for another one. The woman was apparently holding a newpaper that she had yet to purchase, as the cashier’s reply was “so do you not want the paper either?” The woman, who was standing at the register, next to the newspaper stand, said “No,” and handed the paper over as well. The barista working the register didn’t offer the woman an apology or wish her a nice day. Instead, she looked at the next customer in line, handed her the newspaper, and said “can you put this back for me?”
Nearly ten minutes later my friend and I made it to the one open register. My friend ordered her tall white mocha with four equals, handed over her debit card, and the cashier rang in the $4.25 drink… which is about 50 cents more than a tall drink costs. When my friend mentioned this, the woman at the register said, “yeah, well, with tax…” To which my friend replied, “no.” The girl at the cash register tried three or four times to get my friend her 50 cents back, but apparently couldn’t figure out how to do it, and she was clearly getting upset. An older barista walked by and said to the girl at the register, “its fine, void it and ring it through again.” At this point, I seriously think I saw the girl working the register begin to twitch. She literally started to tweak out, saying repeatedly “oh god, my computer is frozen,” while frantically blinking and tapping the screen. Once the computer came back to life, she forcefully punched the numbers on the screen whilst shaking her head furiously and rang up my friend’s drink, and then began swiping her card… over and over again. Finally, it was my turn to order. It took at least three or four minutes to get my friend straightened out, and the line had grown to at least 15 people. There was only one register open and one barista on bar, but there were definitely two or three other “team members” floating around behind the counter doing absolutely nothing. I ordered my triple grande skinny vanilla latte, and my friend and I went over to the bar, happy to get away from Tweaky McGee.
As we approached the bar, the barista looked at my friend without a smile or a greeting and said “tall white mocha four equals?” My friend hardly had a chance to nod her head before the barista continued, “can you go over there and get me some equal?” Um, what? When you ask a waitress for ketchup at a diner, does she say, “yeah, go grab some in the kitchen?” Not so much. So, my poor friend who probably paid $14 for this cup of coffee once the cashier was finished swiping, walked to the other end of the store, grabbed a handful of equal, and handed it over to the barista. She speedily finished up our drinks, and plopped them on the bar without calling them, making eye contact or smiling. Just a “here” as she continued to pull shots and steam milk. Twenty-five minutes after we embarked on our journey, my friend and I were back at our office drinking our mediocre lukewarm lattes.
Nov 19
SquidWhy Starbucks Sucks Coffee, Starbucks
I’m a Starbucks loyalist. Recently, however, I’ve come to absolutely loathe the place. For the last few years their customer service and the quality of their drinks have been rapidly going downhill. I took for granted the days when you could only find a Starbucks in the city, when your Barista was a scene kid who reminded you of Ethan Hawke circa his Reality Bites days, when the drinks were made well, and when the pastry case wasn’t full of what seem to be plasticized breakfast sandwiches. But, alas, the Starbucks Empire has expanded too quickly. In their efforts to appeal to the masses instead of the java elite, they’ve quickly turned off their devotees. Former Starbucks loyalists now prefer local coffee shops or, if they’re lucky enough to have one on their daily route, a Peet’s.
I pass six coffee shops and two convenience stores on my way to work in the morning (2.2 miles and 10 minutes, according to Google Maps) -- two Dunkin’ Donuts, two Starbucks, a Peet’s, a local café, a 7-11 and an independent market. Yet, despite my recent revelation that Starbucks sucks, I risk a potential nervous breakdown and head to Starbucks on my way into the office every single day (and, admittedly, sometimes once in the afternoon). Unlike many Starbucks haters, I don’t necessarily care how corporate they’ve become since the early Seattle days- I’m not about sticking it to the man, man. But, in a semi-related mentality, I think Starbucks sucks primarily as a result of their opening a gazillion stores over the last few years, and the resulting necessity to hire every Tom, Dick and Harry who wants health insurance after a 20 hour work week. I simply do not have patience for people who aren’t professional, who aren’t competent, and who don’t take their job seriously- even if you’re only making lattes. Those three things lead to a dirty store, a long wait, a crappy $5 drink, and in my case, a high level of anxiety before 8am.
I was a Starbucks barista. I know the rules, the standards, the expectations, and the recipes, and I know that it is up to the Baristas to make sure the aforementioned are carried out. Why aren’t they, then, you ask? Have Baristas forgotten what is expected of them? Are Baristas not properly trained? Nope. There is quite a lengthy training process one must endure to be handed the green apron that is bestowed upon a Starbucks Barista. There are workbooks, workshops, coffee tastings, tests — I think I worked there for three months before I was allowed to actually touch the coffee. A Barista is so brainwashed by the end of the training process that it is impossible for one to forget to make eye contact with a customer whilst taking an order, to smile at someone approaching the bar, to mark a cup properly, to steam milk to the appropriate temperature, to call drinks instead of just shoving them on a counter, and to say “have a great day!” when a customer leaves. Perhaps if I hadn’t donned the green apron I wouldn’t be so bothered by the decline of the modern Barista. But even so, my recent metro-Boston experiences are definitely less enjoyable than they were ten years ago in greater New Haven.
…And despite this rant, I am actually going to head out to Starbucks right now, because all of this talk has given me a craving for a triple grande skinny vanilla latte.
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