Maybe the big joke about Watchmen is how completely devoid of humanity the film itself is. Leaving the theater, it might be something worth pondering, or if you’re like me, you might inclined just to forget the whole thing ever happened.
I am a huge fan of well-told comic book adaptations, and I will credit director Zac Snyder and writers David Hayter and Alex Tse for having a thorough and unrelenting vision when it comes to Watchmen. The problem is, it is so saturated with intent, there is nothing really fun about it. The film is improbable in a way that defies the historical context within which it rests. The Watchmen are a group of retired, strung out superheroes shutdown by Nixon (apparently in his fifth term in office) who come out of hiding when it appears that someone is trying to kill them off one by one.
Except the truth is murkier than that. And by the time it comes to light that there is, in fact, no serial superhero killer, you don’t really care. By then you have sat through origin stories of all the principal characters and watched an almost three-hour morality play unfold that makes Gibson’s Passion a bit tepid after all. But that’s the joke really, Watchmen is brutally unpleasant to watch. The historical backdrop and cameo appearances by legendary figures (Lee Iacocca takes bullet in the film) serve as distractions and not in a good way. The main characters are street fighters, picking fights with the scourge of the earth and suffering almost without injury through battle after battle (though fortunately they can beat up on each other and do some damage). The film’s questionable moral center is less food for thought and more just a reason to turn away.
I was most distracted by the use of both film and superhero cliches. The ejaculation of fire when two characters climax during sex seems more like a fanboy’s fantasy of superheroes having sex than the real thing. And how come the heroes never seem to get hurt? None of them, except the atomic man Dr. Manhattan (played by Billy Crudup, whose blue penis needs its own film, honestly, more penis or less, please) seemingly have actual super powers. Yet they punch, kick, body slam and fire bomb their way through scores of villains and rarely take any damage themselves, armed as they all are with lightning quick reflexes, super(man)-strength and Mortal Kombat fighting skills. Even the film’s (in my opinion unnecessary) American-centric narrative perspective seemed to just emphasize how incongruous the whole story was.
Visually, the film is stunning. It’s gorgeous in the fashion of 300 and Sin City. And Snyder wisely moves the camera away once in a while instead of forcing us to watch one brutal retribution scene after another. Atomic explosions, hand saws, broken fingers, and scalding hot oil are just some of the treats on the Watchmen menu, dished out by our supposed heroes. The characters are well-developed, to the point that film’s most violent, unforgiving hero Rorschach (played brilliantly by Jackie Earle Haley who gets the best lines to boot) becomes its only heartbeat.
I have heard from fans that Snyder managed a laudable adaptation of the Watchmen graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. Having not read it, I was able to watch Watchmen with fresh eyes. There is no question that the film is a deliberate, thoughtful story. But it is also completely soulless and vaguely threatening, and not even a little fun at that.
Question: If you had to pick a movie right now to be the blockbuster of the summer, would it be Star Trek or G.I. Joe?
Answer: What, we are already giving up on Harry Potter and the Half-Finished Film?
So, here is the short list films that I would wager have the potential for being crowned the champ: X-Men Origins: Wolverine Star Trek Angels and Demons Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (May 1)
Leading off the summer, we can only hope that this is a better representation of the X-Men franchise than The Last Stand. It’s directed by Gavin Hood, a relative unknown with few films to his credit. But it stars Hugh Jackman, who can carry a film without the claws, and includes an assortment of mutants from the Marvel Universe.
Liev Schreiber takes a run at a more cerebral version of Sabertooth, there’s Gambit, the Blob, and Deadpool to round out the new characters. It looks stunning. And Wolverine certainly came out of the franchise as the most popular of the X-characters (in no small part to Jackman). All signs of a dominant summer run.
Star Trek (May 8 )
The past was the only way to go with the franchise, having bottomed out with Enterprise series and the dreadful installment Nemesis. So back to the future we go, with a hot cast and slick production, and fanbase rapid for some new blood. This one is the pick of the summer. They will come in droves to see this film. J.J. Abrams has a good track record (with Lost especially) and the trailers have fans salivating for opening weekend.
Angels and Demons (May 15)
I’m including this one because films about religious nuttery tend to attract the crowds (like The Passion of Christ) even more so when they have sprinkled with Hollywood glitter and star Tom Hanks.
The trailer looks murky and seems fixated on said demons of the title without giving away much of the plot. But if you’ve read the Dan Brown book it is based on, you can be well-assured that any changes will be minimal. Brown has managed the daring feat of turning sensational religious revisionism into a mainstream fodder, made his character Robert Langdon an icon and transformed what are really a pair of trashy, vacant novels into an industry (many Langdon spin-off novels to come, no doubt). Chances are good the movie will suck. Chances are equally good that it won’t matter.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (July 17)
On the one hand, this installment of Harry Potter is based on the weakest book in the series. The trailers look confused and unhappy. But Harry Potter has two things going for it. 1) Nobody will want to miss this installment if nothing else to set up the next two films. 2) It’s dead in the middle of summer and is not in competition with any of the other blockbuster films on this list. So yeah, I guess it has a chance.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (August 9)
Until the trailers went mainstream this week during the Super Bowl, buzz about this film was mixed. But frankly, the trailers sold me even though I already hate the cast.
There is a Thundercats movie trailer floating around the websphere for a live action adaptation of the cartoon.
It’s pretty wild. Just watch it and don’t let anyone tell you it’s fake. Taken from a composite of films, actors Brad Pitt, Hugh Jackman and Vin Diesel are transformed into Lion-O, Tygra, and Panthro respectively (the best visual gag: Garfield as Snarf). Any fantasy buff will recognize the scenes from the original movies (you might even go so far as to scratch your head with a little deja vu. Isn’t Jackman’s Tygra just a little too similar to Wolverine?)
Whatever, it was kind of awesome to watch, though I kind of think a live action adaptations of cartoons are sucker bets. Even with cutting edge digital technology ruling special effects these days, something about humans playing the cartoons is lost in translation.
Thundercats is one of those iconic characters in my childhood memories. It was G.I. Joe, Thundercats, He-Man and M.A.S.K. in that order. G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra has an August 9 release date. Its stars include (sigh) Dennis Quaid and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. (Okay, so he wears a mask but Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander? Really?)
Really?
The movie itself looks slick so we won’t condemn it out of hand for questionable casting.
Thundercats is supposedly in development for a 2010 release as a animated feature film. But since there is literally not a single rumor about the film, maybe it’s caught in development hell.
He-Man, well Masters of the Universe wasn’t just terrible, it was 80′s kitsch terrible (Dolph Lundgren again? Really?)
Really?
Then there’s a 2011 He-Man film given the Sin City treatment. The idea is kind of intriguing, no?
(Shaking head) No.
Fortunately, even searching far and wide, I could not find even rumors of a M.A.S.K. live action film, or any film adaptation at all.
Adaptations of any type are dicey propositions. You have to capture a new fanbase without alienating fans of the original. In a way, a movie like Transformers benefits from having a continuous series of cartoons since the original that mutilated and demolished any myths from the original. Kids of the newer versions of Transformers probably didn’t notice anything amiss. And the visual elements were such a departure from the cartoon versions you had a hard time making that emotional connection to your childhood anyway.
But they can be done well, at least comic book adaptations can be. There’s really no evidence that a live action movie based on animation ever really was pulled off successfully (maybe Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or is that just me? Just me? Okay then). It’s just too jarring to see, say, Brad Pitt playing out Lion-O. The voice is wrong, the look is off. It just looks like Brad Pitt going to a Halloween party. (Though cool costume!)
You know, come to think of it, the Scooby Doo films did manage to approximate the cartoon in a live action film. Though perhaps they inadvertently found success by making the story way more adult than the cartoon. (I actually thought the first installment was really entertaining or is that just me? Anyone? Just me?)
Let’s face it, Hulk never translated on to the big screen (call it the Lou Ferrigno ® curse) and the Uncanny X-Men films were brilliant in the hands of Bryan Singer but lackluster in the hands of director Brett Ratner, despite cranking up the action quotient in the third installment. (It’s funny because among Ratner’s other directorial credits is Rush Hour and Madonna’s music video for Beautiful Stranger. Or is that just funny to me?) The Punisher? You couldn’t even decide which version was worse, Dolph Lundgren’s or Thomas Jane’s (who by the way, I love but even he couldn’t rise above this one.)
But for all the Marvel adaptations that have flopped (Daredevil, Ghost Rider, Elektra) or just been [shrug] (either Fantastic Four, Spider-Man 3, Howard the Duck) there have been some shining moments. Among them Spider-Man, X-Men and, of course, the most recent blockbuster Iron Man.
Iron Man is the news these days, along with the now-confirmed first Marvel team-up of Avengers headed for theaters in 2011. The first hero movie of any franchise is a bit of a hit or miss affair. For people not familiar with comic books, the director and screenwriters have to infuse enough of the legend for people to understand the characters without completely alienating the fanbase that have obsessed about them since elementary school. Singer managed to walk the fine line (though notably at the expense of the action sequences, as I mentioned and with judicious use of Professor Xavier voiceovers.) Iron Man, directed by Jon Favreau, did it too, and better.
So it’s understandable now that the Iron Man mythology is firmly established in the Hollywood milieu (and by that, I mean that it is profitable,) the buzz is building around the sequel and Iron Man’s eventual starring role in The Avengers.
It’s easy to conclude that a good film really lies in the hands of the director (I’ve already skewered Ghost Rider for such things if you care to revisit that travesty.) So for whichever installment Favreau signs on for, there is a good chance the film is going to be worthwhile. (He is currently slated to direct Iron Man II and executive produce The Avengers.) And given the studio’s track record of releasing three hero films a year (except for 2006 but that was obviously a glaring mistake in scheduling) whether the films are good or bad doesn’t make much of a dent in the future of Marvel hero films.
Coming Attractions
Punisher
First up is the Punisher reboot Punisher: War Zone. A reboot just means the first origin film flopped, so they are telling the origin story again with a different creative team. Marvel already tried this with The Incredible Hulk which flopped but established Edward Norton to play Bruce Banner/Hulk in The Avengers film (including a brief appearance by Iron Man’s alter ego Tony Stark hinting at an Avengers team.)
The Punisher has been done before, and not well. Lundgren’s Punisher was a product of decade it was made in (the film was released in 1989) but Jane’s Punisher was just painful to sit through from start to finish. The fact that movie sucked had little to do with Jane himself, but that’s not really a consolation for anyone who made the mistake of watching it.
Punisher: War Zone, as a comic book, was grittier storytelling than the mainstream Punisher comic, and we should expect about the same between The Punisher film and the upcoming War Zone. Sadly, the story is going to sound remarkably familiar to anyone who has ever seen a hero movie: Mob boss is disfigured by superhero vigilante, adopts a supervillain persona and seeks revenge against said superhero. There is little to no buzz about the film despite a December 5 release date (though the film was pushed back from its original release date on September 12.) But here’s the question? The plot sounds wholly unoriginal, what is going to distinguish this from the past Punisher flops or any other retread hero flick? My guess: not a damn thing.
Wolverine
The X-Men franchise was handed over to Wolverine, care of Hugh Jackman, which is a good thing if you ask me. Jackman personified Wolverine in a way that still sends chills down my spine. Oh, but this is an origin story and features a veritable who’s who in the Wolverine universe. So many characters that you might be tempted to ask, who is going to direct the menagerie to make it work? That would be Gavin Hood (who?) Yeah, he is virtually unknown, whose directorial credits barely warrant him an inclusion in the imdb database.
Jackman himself had a hand in the script and supposedly pushed to emphasize a character-driven storyline. My guess: Jackman pulls it off.
Thor/Captain America
So in order to launch an Avengers franchise (with Robert Downey Jr. and Edward Norton already on board) Marvel Studios is bouncing around ideas for films that establish Thor and Captain America in Hollywood. The Cap film was delayed because of the writer’s strike but has been tentatively slated for a May 2011 release, sans any real details (though it is supposedly set during World War II.)
There is no real information about the possibility of a Thor film except that it has been in pre-production for several years. My guess: It will be interesting, assuming both films are released, to see if setting up the characters in their own films helps or hurts The Avengers. I would love to see The Avengers spawn infinite sequels -- it was always one of my favorite comics -- but I’m not sure how long Marvel can keep cranking out films and keep people engaged (particularly when their success rate is generously 50%.)
Future Film Adaptations
Sequels for Iron Man and Spider-Man are confirmed. Iron Fist, Ghost Rider, Daredevil, Black Panther and…Ant Man? Confirmed in development at least. (There were reports a while back that Ghost Rider’s creator Gary Friedrich was appalled by the misuse of his creation -- though from the lawsuits that followed it may have been motivated more by money than anything else.) And there has been some spin around films for Nick Fury (inconceivably played by Samuel L. Jackson in the Iron Man flick) and Dr. Strange, in addition to spin-offs for Silver Surfer, Venom and Magneto. My guess: Good or bad, Marvel will keep the pace going for the foreseeable future. There is no way to run out of characters when you can always make a sequel or a reboot out of established film heroes or dig up some obscure character and try to make a bonafide box office hero out of him.
Thank You is Implied
The Annotated Smart ReMarx
Order your copy of Thank You is Implied by Smart ReMarx blogger Andrew Marx
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