Nov 24
JeremySociety and Culture Gay, gay marriage
Question: What is really behind the push to ban gay marriage?
Answer: Dear Gentle Reader,
An excellent question and elegantly phrased. Many would have asked “who” rather than “what,” but I think you have, in fact, hit the nail on the head. To answer your question, jealousy is behind the push to ban gay marriage. Basically, they see me, they hatin’ on me because my lifestyle is fabulous.
I have a spacious, well-decorated apartment, a new car, two flat screen TVs and a Masters degree I didn’t go into debt for. I can eat out pretty much whenever I want, and when I don’t eat out, I can afford to buy name brand and even organic foods. I have leisure time and I can jet off for a weekend’s escapade on a whim. If I shop at a discount store, it’s because I want to, not have to.
Now, those who oppose my right to get married basically fall into one group (which is why I’m assuming you didn’t ask who): crazy, right-wing, psycho-religious fundies. If you’re wondering how I define that term, you might be a crazy, right-wing, psychoreligious fundy if you can quote any section of the Christian Bible chapter and verse. These people are generally not allowed by their beliefs to use birth control, not that they would be responsible enough to in any case. So where does the money go and why can’t they afford a lifestyle like mine? To all those dozens and dozens of children they each have, of course. They must feed, clothe, and buy ridiculous toys for them, while I remain unencumbered. (By the way, the reason the same people also don’t want us to adopt is that they are afraid that if we get the tax deductions for having children, too, then their welfare check will go down.)
Well, that and the fear of all the wild buttsex. The women are afraid their men will want it and the men are afraid their women will want to turn the tables on them!
Until next time!
Sep 24
JeremySociety and Culture Clay Aiken, Coming Out, David Hyde Pierce, Elton John, Gay, George Takei, Ian McKellan, Lance Bass, Neil Patrick Harris, People magazine, role model, Rupert Everett, T.R. Knight
In case anyone missed it, American Idol crooner and runner up Clay Aiken finally decided to come out of the closet as a gay man on the cover of Friday’s People magazine leaked by Perez-Hilton. According to media reports, as a new dad, he decided that he didn’t want to raise a child while living a lie, thereby passing on negative values to the next generation. So, good for him. Which I mean sincerely, because no one should live in the closet. Even when that closet appears to have been made entirely of clear glass for years.
But seriously…big deal. Clay joins the ranks of Lance Bass, Neil Patrick Harris, and that guy on that TV show. You know, the one with all the controversy where the other guy got fired in a media circus for saying naughty words. Yay for all of them! If I wrack my brains, I might be able to count enough out young men in entertainment to get up to my other hand. I applaud these men for their willingness to risk their careers by going public with this information (unless they reached the point where they didn’t have one anymore anyway and coming out was a desperate plea for attention). I’m not going to dispute that in the least. But the reality is that when these men de-closet themselves, there’s lots of media hype but little social impact.
I’m also not going to discount the importance of older gay male figures with some star power such as Sir Ian McKellan, Elton John, George Takei, Rupert Everett, and David Hyde Pierce, but they don’t serve as social role models in quite the same way younger men do. While young gay men may look up to them because they are successful and out, just as they may look up to the B list mentioned above in the same way, these men don’t have the mass media appeal to change minds and alter thinking wholesale. In relation to either of these groups, there aren’t many people out there thinking “Hey, he’s not such a bad guy. Maybe gays are okay.” Mostly they’re just thinking “It’s about time. Everyone already knew anyway.”
I’m still waiting for the blockbuster movie star or superstar rocker to ‘fess up to the world (don’t even get me started on sports). Of course, if I give a “what if” example here, Andrew and I will probably have Tom Cruise’s lawyers knocking on our doors within fifteen minutes of my clicking “publish,” so I won’t do that. It would be fantastic, though, to see a star of magnitude come out and say to the world “You know what? I’m gay and I’m not going to hide that. I hope you will still come see my movies.” While the media hubbub would be intense, there would also be the chance to start some real social dialogue around the issue of homosexuality that might just alter our collective thinking a little bit. If enough young Hollywood A-listers came out, it might eventually even become NO BIG DEAL. Imagine that: the day the media ignored a star’s coming out?
At the end of the day, though, maybe all these little comings out do have one impact. Perhaps they are drawing us closer to that day when the big name follows in their footsteps by showing that being out and gay doesn’t automatically end your career. Hey, look at Neil Patrick Harris: he comes out and all of the sudden he’s on a highly-rated sitcom (and no one has a problem with him playing a straight character) and people actually want him to do other projects (Dr. Horrible, anyone?). His tiny victories in the fight against discrimination show the potential for the big names to have similar experiences if only they are willing to take the risk.
And really…even if coming out is a career-ending move for that first big star at the peak of his career, can’t he find a good money manager to make that $100 million he’s earned already last?
Sep 02
AndrewSociety and Culture Coming Out, Gay, Gay Culture
There’s an ad running across myspace that shows two men standing next to each other in front of a brick wall, in poses that look like they are peeing. They shake themselves off at the same time, zip up then look at each other with slight grins, move closer and kiss. The purpose of the ad seems to exist below the 90 pixel ad space, but it seems to me that the ad plays on an uncomfortable amount of gay stereotypes if one reads between the lines.
We live in an age that is unprecedented in its depiction of homosexual relationships and it’s probably natural that at least some of those portrayals are going to rely more on stereotypes than anything else. It is great that within the last few years, the taboo of talking about homosexuality has largely come undone. No matter where you fall on the issue, the dialogue itself seems less choked. We are embracing advertising, television and other media that depict homosexual relationships, and even the gay sex scandals seem by and large less scandalous. People may still fear and outright hate homosexuality, but hey, their ears are perked. They are listening. What a world we are coming to.
The next phase of acceptance looks like this: instead of playing to stereotypes and drawing broad cultural boundaries around homosexuality that are largely artificial, it’s time that we stop pigeonholing gays and lesbians and recognize that like anyone else, people who are homosexual are also individuals with their own experiences, idiosyncrasies and predilections. It’s a lesson that everyone needs to learn, gay and straight.
I have never been a big fan of categorically shoving people in slots just because of one thing or another, whether it’s at physical trait or mannerisms or some facet of their identity. Too much of our individual idiosyncrasies are a product of any number of factors: how we were raised, by whom, where we grew up, our tastes, schooling, natural ability and interests. Those things combine to shape our personality and define each of us as we are individually. And I don’t know about you, but for me, my behaviors and quirks have changed a lot over time.
There is a popular notion in the gay community that there is a right way to be gay. The traditional path goes experiment, come out, sleep around, party until you’re 30 and settle down. It’s not unlike the traditional path we slap on heterosexuals. Dating, courtship, engagement, marriage, kids, divorce, second marriage (okay, I joke.)
But it makes the point, is that really the only way to be gay? My own path skipped most of those steps. I haven’t had sexual identity issues in 12 years, and yet I’m still faced with skeptical men who think I’m not gay enough, haven’t really lived because I have never been to Fire Island or P-Town, walked in a pride parade, gotten a piercing, participated in an orgy, and probably the worst offense of all: I don’t give two shits about any of it. Just because I don’t fit your idea of what a gay man should be doesn’t mean I have sexual confusion, that I am uncomfortable with my own sexuality, that I’m a closet case, or that I need to make up for lost time. I’m just a guy who happens to like other men. Being gay doesn’t define me any more than my religion, politics, college degrees or job does. Put it all together and maybe then you have an argument that those components combined do say a great deal about who I am.
It is my fervent wish that as a society, we figure it out that being different doesn’t automatically make you wrong. It is a lesson that goes beyond acceptance of homosexuality. Look, stereotypes are fine and funny, and yeah, some people just fit into those patterns too well. But as the next generation of young adults, and even some grown-ups, struggle with their own sexual identity issues, I hope that we can encourage them to follow their own path and not fall into the trap of believing that there is only one right way to be gay.
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