Mar 16
AndrewSociety and Culture, Television Sex
The Real World got me thinking. I know, strange. On Sunday, MTV aired The Real World Brooklyn marathon and what surprised me is that the cast seemed very “real.” The show in the last, oh at least ten seasons, has seemed very contrived. But this time, the over-sexed castmates came off as immature, whiny, vain and kind of stupid. And I thought, you know, that’s actually a pretty accurate reflection of the new generation of twenty-somethings.
It occurred me to that The Real World is grossly responsible for the societal shift to this kind of sexed-out, twenty-four a day spring break culture (no joke, Season 22 is in Cancun!) Oh sure, spring break behavior is nothing new, but it used to be reasonably contained to spring break, even on MTV. The Real World, long before other reality shows came along, popularized this sort of vain, vacant, pop stars in the making mentality that has dominated its casting for at least the last ten years (I’m looking at you, Tek). They gave up on casting intelligent, mature young men and women with actual lives around season 8. After that, you had to be gorgeous, stupid and have nothing better to do with your life than The Real World.
I guess that manufactured cultural identity was taken for real by its viewers and now The Real World really does mirror a generation that is just mirroring what it had seen on television. That. is fucking scary.
This time around, producers went back to an old school model of letting the cast kind of do their own thing for most of the season. The whole notion of having them work together always seemed unnecessarily contrived to me; I actually approve of the switch back this season. A startlingly number of them as a result (no surprise) wanted to be models/actors which is probably the most realistic reason for them to have tried out for the show in the first place. After all, no matter what Beauty and the Geek pretends to be, reality television hasn’t been about social experiment for a long time now.
The Real World hasn’t been entertaining to me since before they parked themselves in Las Vegas. But this season took on a fascinating social context, (ironic, I know) because the cast’s behavior and attitudes seemed real and believable. I wonder if that isn’t how we expect kids to act these days. Over-sexed, over-stimulated, overreacting. It’s the overdrive generation. And while The Real World didn’t create the overdrive generation single-handedly, the show deserves at least some of the blame. Yeah, producers would just say they are a reflection of what is going on in society. But I don’t buy it. Sometimes, it really is the other way around.
Aug 17
AndrewLife in Digital, Relationships amateur porn, Pornography, Sex, Webcam
I “ran across” an amateur porn video online the other day which featured two college aged students in what can only be described as the most mild 4 minutes of sexual activity ever to hit X-tube. One of them was buck naked essentially being serviced by the other. He was completely uncomfortable, or bored, it was hard to tell, and had that same look on his face as you would if someone came up to you and started a conversation in another language. You know, the “you’re cute, and you’re clearly coming on to me, but I can’t understand a damn thing you’re saying” look.
The other student was far more energetic, going to town like a painter with a blank canvas. The description of the video said something about how he found this random guy on the street and seduced him up to the apartment (it didn’t specifically say whether the seductee knew he was being videotaped and viraled.)
This new breed of bombastic sexual enterprise is courtesy of YouTube. Now, you’re saying, but YouTube doesn’t permit pornography. But the model that YouTube has brought to the masses encourages homemade filmmakers to capture random and planned vignettes on their webcams and instantly distribute their masterpieces to the web, potentially reaching hundreds of thousands of viewers. Now that model extends to amateur pornography, which just like YouTube is almost completely advertiser supported, and that means these clips can be made and broadcast with little to no cost. The filmmaker has to own a webcam of course, and likely isn’t doing this at the library so probably a computer too. But they create their video, load it up X-tube and wait for the hits. The user, on the other hand, has to find the video and play it. And maybe if it’s good, I’ll watch to the end.
This particular video was recommended to me (even using X-tube’s navigation, which is pretty poorly organized, I doubt I ever would have found it on my own) and on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being an anal wart outbreak and 10 being waking up next to a naked Adam Levine, I would rank it about a 4. The reason I don’t watch much porn is because I get bored easily. And it’s a big turn off to me when the “actors” don’t appear to be having a good time. I mean, sex is a good time, shouldn’t a movie about sex be at least as fervent? I always thought so.
The proliferation of amateur porn via the webcam recording has its highs and lows. On the one hand, I find professional porn to be pretty boring and cheesy. X-tube, for the most part, mitigates that factor because of its vastly more voyeuristic. From a purely aesthetic point of view, I find the amateur body a lot more appealing to look at then the professional model. And the proliferation of this format means there are endless videos to choose from covering every spectrum of possible fantasy, including the ‘pull some random guy off the street and have your way with him’ fantasy. And you can’t beat the price; I mean, buying porn videos is expensive.
The flipside of the argument is that webcams are grainy, hard to position, and harder to reposition. Most of these videos are filmed from a static angle, which means the “actors” have to maneuver themselves in order to give their performance variety. Plus, now that anyone can make their own porn video (and apparently they all do) you get a lot of solo masturbatory scenes which are about as interesting to me as watching my macaroni and cheese boil. And least I get off on the macaroni and cheese.
But can you imagine being that guy five years from now? You’re on a first date with someone who says, “You look so familiar, you sure we haven’t met before? Wait a second, I know where I know you from. You were in that X-tube video a few years ago?”
I honestly wonder why this phenomenon doesn’t happen more often. There’s one website that films straight military guys being put into a compromising position with another guy. So here you go, you’re in the navy (on shore leave, or whatever the euphemism is for Provincetown) and someone approaches you and says, “If you let me blow you, I’ll pay you five hundred bucks.” You’re like, well alright, it’s a blow job -- you’d probably take it for free -- and you’re getting some cash to blow your wad. That’s like every guy’s dream, right? But here’s the thing. You’re being filmed. That film is being distributed to a website, where men purchase a membership to watch you over and over again, and download the video to watch you over and over again. And the men that don’t want to pay for the membership? Oh they get to see a one minute clip for free.
So at least one minute of you completely naked, receiving services from a guy that just picked you up at a bar is out there on the web for anyone under the sun to find. How does this not become more of an issue? I guess you could always tell your girlfriend, but I got paid? What’s the big deal?
Sure, but consider that guy on the bed in the clip I saw, looking for all the world as excited to be there as you would be if you were going to church with your parents. The video of you with another guy is plastered all over the web, and it’s receiving enough attention that someone recommended it to me. You can’t take that back. You can’t claim, “Oh no, that wasn’t me, it was just someone who looked like me” as the webcam captures the intimate details of a stranger suckling on your crotch. You can’t say, “Well, at least I got paid for it.” You’re only recourse is “What’s the big deal?”
Hey, I saw the whole video. Believe me, man, it was no big deal at all.
Mar 12
AndrewRelationships dating, Hook up, Sex
I went through a whole period in my mid-twenties where I had one atrocious date story after another. Oh, did I have my friends rolling on the floor as I described the time where my date took off with the umbrella and left me in the pouring rain exactly half way between the T stop and the restaurant we were going to.
Or the one where my date swore, swore that his car wouldn’t get towed if he parked in the apartment complex parking lot across the street from the restaurant. Or the one where we were sitting having a great first date at Marche in the Prudential building (it closed a few years ago) and I dropped a piece of chicken on the ground, picked it up and put it in my mouth without thinking about how that might look to a stranger.
For a while, my dating life was beginning to resemble a sitcom, and not all ended well by the end of the night. There is always that momentarily thrill when your date shows up for the first time -- in my opinion half the battle really -- and then the deflation when the evening starts to spiral out of control. I am not the kind to hold my breath until the balloon pops, but I also can’t help noticing when it happens.
All of this, of course, comes with an added complication of to hook or not to hook. I can’t speak for all daters, but I know generally on mine that I usually only make-out with guys on the first date when I know I will never speak to them again. Maybe the sexual attraction will change my mind (or their mind, as it goes) but as someone who greatly trusts my own instincts, I am usually pretty sure when it is over before it is over.
In fact, for my personal track record, I have never become a couple with a man if we coupled on the first date. Sex on the first date is a gay stereotype, but I like to think I rise above the stereotype, usually, though I can’t explain why this rule is such a constant in my dating life.
Let’s just get this out of the way. Yes, it could be because
I have bad breath
I am a bad kisser
I like it frisky
or any number of horrifying personal defects that I am blithely unaware of. But I would like to think for the most part, it is none of those things. I would like to think it is just the nature of dating that my own expectations are higher than could ever possibly be fulfilled. And imagine two individuals in the room who are both hoping for Prince Charming and disappointed when it is only Prince He’s Funny But…
So for me, every date reaches the inevitable point of asking the question, does my date deserve the hook (up)?
This might sound horribly cynical, but I am not the kind of person that subscribes to the theory that sex is better if you wait. I just don’t buy it. Sex is better if there is a mutual attraction; that is the biggest determining factor. If one person isn’t into it, then now or later does not make that much of a difference. But sex is the balloon popping for most people. It is the point where the evening spirals out of control, if it hasn’t already. Sure, if expectations are met, you got lucky, but in most cases it is exactly the opposite. Or worse, new, higher expectations are there waiting to be fulfilled.
I am not sure that my rule that a hook-up on the first date equals zero chance at a relationship really makes that much sense. After all, it is basically a mental path to self-fulfilled disaster. But maybe I am inadvertently showing some character by resisting the hook-up and that might make me more attractive to my date. So far my track record for second dates comes after holding off on the first date. And the first-date failures all ended with the hook (up.)
And those sitcom-like date stories? The guy with the umbrella? I was soaked to the bone by the time we got to the restaurant, chasing after him while the rain belted down my back. He called the date off as soon as we were inside. The guy who swore his car wouldn’t get towed? It did, and we took a cab to the tow company where I offered to pay for half of the release fee. The guy who watched me drop a hunk of food on the floor of the restaurant and then eat it? We dated for four months, and that very first date ended with simply a single kiss.
Feb 16
AndrewRelationships AOL, Sex, Songs
Nothing screams Valentine’s Day like a list of the 69 Sexiest Songs…Ever! released today by AOL Music. This is no message of love, this is about getting it on.
Man, that sounded so much better in my head. I can run off a top ten list of most romantic songs in a snap, but songs specifically (and blatantly) about sex? Not so much.
I like the idea, but after I read through the list, I was a little conflicted. AOL went to a lot of trouble to produce a list of songs that were about sex -- I mean, it’s a little like talking to your dad about dating, and all of the sudden, he’s reminiscing in a little too much detail. Right, you know what I’m talking about. The best sex songs are insidious, you hear it once, and it’s groovy, you’re singing along in your car. Suddenly, after it’s stuck in your head, you start listening to the lyrics and you think, “Oh my God, this song is dirty!”
Sometimes, you don’t zero in on it because it’s cleverly disguised. (See Kelis Milkshake “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard”) Sometimes, you just hear it in passing and someone else has to point it out to you. (See TLC Red Light Special “I’ll let you go further, If you take the southern route”) And sometimes, you’re like me, angelic and pure, and it just doesn’t occur to you that something more is going on than what it seems like on the surface. (See Eminem Shake That “I’m a menace, a dentist, an oral hygienist, Open your mouth for about four or five minutes, Take a little bit of this fluoride rinse, Swish but don’t spit it, swallow and I’ll finish” -- what would you think it was about?)
I delved into AOL’s Sexiest list with as much aplomb as I could muster, and I found the list had little to do with what’s “sexy.” For one, the second most sexy song is Nine Inch Nails Closer. What possible criteria could have earned this a top ten spot when Justin Timberlake’s Sexyback (a decidedly more recent and pop-fixated entry) isn’t even on the list? Let’s compare them.
Chorus
NIN “I want to fuck you like an animal, I want to feel you from the inside”
JT “I’m bringin’ sexy back, Them other fuckers don’t know how to act”
Sexiest Line
NIN “I drink the honey inside your hive”
JT “I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave”
Vibe
NIN -- think Angelina Jolie’s sex scene in Taking Lives
JT -- it’s a one night stand that isn’t worth the “I’ll call you”
Arousal Factor
NIN -- if you’re a rapist
JT -- it’s pretty hot
AOL’s list has a lot of these songs that are ostensibly about sex, but not even remotely sexy. (Nelly Furtado Promiscuous, Frankie Goes to Hollywood Relax) It has songs that are legitimately sexy and deserving of recognition. (anything by Marvin Gaye, Chris Isaak Wicked Game) And just for fun, the list even covers some genuine romance (Dave Matthews Band Crash Into Me, Bee Gees Love You Inside Out) So really, the theme isn’t sexiest songs, it is just is sex.
Hey, I guess that’s alright for Valentine’s Day, too.
RSS
