Dec 18
AndrewMovies Movies, Superhero
Question: What’s the worst super hero movie adaptation of all time?
Answer: Yeah, it’s the Punisher. Not even the Dolph Lundgren version, which at least had some redemption value for its high camp and 80′s veneer. No, the worse offender was the Thomas Jane recast which was so unbelievably bad that we were laughing our way through it.
Maybe it’s because Punisher isn’t really a super hero (being a self-righteous marginal type that he is). Nothing in the movie worked, from the opening “origin” sequence where Frank Castle’s entire lineage in wiped out in about 20 seconds to shooting, the secret identity he takes on and lives in an apartment building with curious folk. It’s all turgid. I haven’t seen War Journal, but word on the street is they went for graphic violence in order to make the character palatable. Hopefully, Marvel will finally bury this franchise for good.
That said, when a super hero movie goes bad, it’s bad. Exhibit A: Elektra. Why take someone like Jennifer Garner and make her soulless and flat? Then fold in an almost completely non-existent plot (“back from the dead” isn’t much to work with, folks, though I guess Whedon milked it for half a season) and silly action ninja sequences that wouldn’t sully Kung Fu Hustle. The movie was so bland in every aspect, it’s not worth the effort to crown it the worst ever.
Exhibit B: Ghost Rider. An intricate plot that really just wasn’t interesting, casting Nicholas Cage in the role of the adult Johnny Blaze when they could have just stuck with Matt Long and the movie would have been at least as interesting, and a completely unexplained appearance by Carter Slade was just too much. Some nifty visuals and a wicked Blackheart played by Wes Bentley kept this movie from being the worst.
May 04
AndrewMovies Ivan Raimi, Movie, Peter Parker, Spider-Man, Superhero
I left the theater on opening night of Spider-Man 3 thinking to myself, “Man, I hate that Peter Parker.” It is rare for a hero movie to create such a despicable, unfathomably shallow and irresponsible hero, but to director Sam Raimi’s credit, he has done just that.
I say credit because Raimi, and fellow screenplay writers Ivan Raimi and Alvin Sargent, fully realize a flawed and imperfect hero. Maybe I should tip my hat to Tobey Maguire for convincing me that if I had just met Peter Parker, I would line up behind Venom and Sandman to take a swing at him.
Spider-Man 3 isn’t a great movie, but it is a pretty good one. The action hits all the right notes of spectacle that modern audiences expect. Cars get overturned and crushed, buildings get demolished with abandon, and police officers and bystanders alike get pelted with the residual byproduct, more often then not cement bricks, of super-powered heroes and villains going at it.
Also quite like movies of this generation, there is a lot going on packed into almost two and half hours. So much, that some scenes jump quickly to another, giving the whole flick a disjointed feel. You almost wish that Raimi had been more selective in the editing room, but some scenes are gone so fast there is no time to process what happened, leaving little impression.
At its heart, Spider-Man 3 is really about Peter Parker’s relationship with his girlfriend Mary Jane Watson. All of the action resolves around this dynamic to some degree and their love is the driving force behind my extraordinary disdain for Peter Parker. The guy acts like a self-involved egghead who got into Kappa Sigma and now he’s popular with the girls. It goes to his head. Raimi deftly shows us how Peter’s egomania destroys his relationship with Mary Jane, and he is completely and utterly shocked when Mary Jane breaks up with him. It’s a painful scene because we want to see them together and happy, and because Peter Parker never saw it coming.
Then, of course, there is Spider-Man’s relationship with an alien symbiote that wants to take over his body and use it as an energy source. If that sounded like a load of crap, just go with it.
Spider-Man 3 tackles the subplot of Peter Parker’s relationship with his high school best friend (arguably his only friend that we know of) Harry Osborn. Osborn, played by James Franco, is the most fun we are going to have in the film. He loses his memory and in the absence of the anxiety over his father’s recent death (well, two movies ago,) he becomes fun-loving, forgiving and downright flirty. Franco is hot in this film because, at least in the first half, he doesn’t have to look stern and anguished and keep his lines to rote villain cliches. Oh yeah, Harry eventually gets his memory back, but you’re gonna have to see the movie yourself to see how that turns out.
And finally, Raimi gives us two very human, very realistic Spidey villains, Venom and the Sandman. Venom is Eddie Brock (played by Topher Grace) on steroids. Though the set-up for why Brock hates Parker is glossed over pretty quickly, let’s just say, he’s got a legitimate beef with Parker. And with the help of a certain symbiote (that damn symbiote again!) figures out he can get to Parker through his girlfriend. I won’t ruin it anymore, but let’s just say that for a third movie in a row, Mary Jane ends up trussed up waiting for Spider-Man to come rescue her.
Sandman (Thomas Haden Church) also has his reasons, and he gets a full three minutes to explain them at the end of the movie. His backstory is not as fully developed as the others, but all the same, there is just something about this guy that he could be someone you know. You know, if that guy can turn into a giant human sandbox and blow away like a dust cloud, though I guess it saves on taxi fare.
My only other complaint is how Aunt May (Rosemary Harris) is used solely as Peter’s conscience. That, at least, smacks more of contrivance than anything else.
The Spider-Man films are always at best about the relationships between the main characters, and Raimi has done something magical in the keeping to that game plan. But in delivering such authentic characters, I came to realize that while I might love the movie, I absolutely, unequivocally hate Peter Parker. I guess there’s always Clark Kent. I hear he’s looking for a boyfriend…
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